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Right. But it's not like a complete overhaul to the entire country to be designed around public transportation is going to happen overnight. I own a house ~9 miles from my wife's work. It's not like me owning my house or where her work is located is going to change in the foreseeable future, so what do you propose in the meantime?
To be clear, what I'm not saying is that everyone should sell their car today and just walk or cycle ten miles every day. People are always going to do what's most convenient for them, and attempting to blame individuals for that is moronic and counter-productive.
The energy should be squarely aimed at restoring other options so that people aren't forced to buy a $20,000 object that depreciates to nearly nothing, plus gas and insurance, just to live their normal daily lives. There will always be some areas where cars are necessary to some degree; I myself grew up twenty miles outside of a town of 4000 people. You need a car there. But there are millions of people who live in areas that used to be perfectly livable without cars, well-serviced by local and regional transit, and filled with walkable local businesses until the infrastructure was literally ripped up. A lot of those bones are still there, and that's where the focus should be.
While it might not be possible with the current built environment, 9mi (~15km because I'm Canadian) is a doable bike commute. Even at a very casual pace, it can be done in 1hr.
Also, there's no reason your home address or your wife's work location can't change. AAA says the "Average Annual Cost of New Car Ownership is $9,282". That means if your wife found a job where they could walk/bike, their net earnings could be ~$9K and you'd still be ahead. Or, if you moved close enough to her work that she doesn't need a car, you could put $750/mo extra towards housing and still be ahead.
Again, it's possible none of these options work for you, but they are options.
My wife has an old back & nerve injury, so biking 9 miles to and from work isn't happening, not to mention it's 9 degrees and snowing outside, so not, biking isn't an option. She works in the healthcare industry, and her work is the closest health-related building to our house, so a closer job isn't available unless she changes her profession.
Even if I sold my house, I'm paying ~5% interest rate on a mortgage from ~2010. Selling my house, even at a profit, and purchasing a closer house (even at a lower cost), would result in a significantly higher payment (like 2.5-3x).
I understand that these are options for people that rent, or are planning on moving anyways, or don't have health issues. Also, I agree with the less/fuck cars movement, but I don't see how it's changing in my lifetime. Even if I end up moving in the next 5 years, it's not like we are ever getting rid of owning a single car. We sometimes go camping, and don't have a truck, so we have a car with a hitch for those things. Also, to bring for example, one of my kids to a friend's house, we would need to drive roughly 5-10 miles, without any public transportation in between, no crosswalks, and it's not like my youngest can bike that distance.
I also need to bring my parents to doctor's appointments. Some of them can be 20-50 miles away to see specialists. It's not like they can ride a bike, and public transportation is limited to very specific dates & times (and not convenient ones for 1-hour appointments). Hell, my father has dementia. He can't go anywhere without assistance, even with a car. Car-free living in the boonies seems like a pipe dream. The more I think about it, I'm starting to get irrationally irritated at the idea.
Yeah, that seems fair in your case. I don't completely agree with all your points (for example 9°F(-13°C) is still bike-able with the right kit (Oulu, Finland gets below -30°C, and a lot of people still bike) but snow can be a problem if there's a lack of maintenance) but overall I agree and I think you're already on the path to being car-lite, which is great if that's all you can do.