Alright, I'll take the bait.

Clogging the delightful curvy mountain roads I like

Bikes don't clog roads, even weaving side to side a bicycle will take up less of a lane than an average car would. I think you'll find that those delightful curvy mountain roads will look even better from outside a car and at a slower pace.

going <5 MPH and wobbling all over the road

Any vehicle with two wheels is unstable and cannot remain perfectly straight and upright. Don't tell me you wouldn't still be complaining if bikes had four wheels.

I’m forced to slow down for some looser in spandex

It's loser, not looser. If you're going to troll at least learn how to spell.

You people are a plague on public roads

Source? Every person on a bike is one fewer car in your way.

kill yourselves. No wait, burry yourselves alive

Bury is spelled with a single R. Improper spelling takes away your credibility.

Bruh