make sure you ask your trans/non binary friends what they do and don't like to be called 😊 it can mean a lot, if your unaware
this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2024
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the thing to remember is that even if the person you call "dude" or w/e doesn't say anything, it doesn't mean that it didn't hurt them. :)
Good to know. I'll start improving my mindreading skills then.
Or just ask instead of acting like a little bitch about it :3
I don't prefer to be called "a little bitch". My preferred term is dude.
Ok, then I should ask if what I said was ok everytime I speak? I think you need to work on you communication skills, dude.
No, it's just a good idea to ask if a transfem person likes being called dude or not.
Not a dude, don't call me that
That sounds incredibly tedious. If someone says something that annoys you, tell them. You're not the worlds' main character and people shouldn't have to tiptoe around you.
I'm literally just telling you something that's nice to do, quit acting like giving someone advice = evil woke liberal cancel culture you absolute dingus
Why is the onus on everyone else? Generally speaking, I believe that if something is making someone upset/hurt, it's on them to let the other person know that. Without deep, intimate knowledge of the other person (and honestly, even with that level of relationship), it's hard to know when something that is ok to you is completely offensive to the other person.
And just for emphasis, this is my belief in general - not just in the context of misgendering trans peeps. I feel like it's not fair to stay mad at someone for crossing a line they didn't even know existed. I've applied this mentality to my marriage, and it's honestly done wonders for improving my relationship with my husband and has opened up so much room for honest communication and building respect/trust in each other.
There's nothing wrong with genuinely using dude in a non gendered way, it's nice and considerate to ask transfem people about it (a lot of us won't speak up about small stuff like that, it's not worth the trouble correcting that kind of stuff a lot of the time) but yea it wouldn't be reasonable to get mad at that kind of stuff immediately. I was giving the other guy shit for being a sarcastic asshole about it, but yea it's just a nice thing to do, not necessary but definitely nice if you know someone is transfem
i mean just be considerate and keep the informalities to people you have a friendly relationship with and who you know it's ok :) saying hi how are you is fine :)
edit: i literally didn't say you had to change or anything i just said people might not say they're hurting even though they are so just be respectful
But there are so many different types of people in the world. How is someone expected to know that something is specifically offensive to one person, unless that person tells them?
I habitually refer to everyone as "dude", but I certainly would stop calling someone "dude" if they asked me to stop. I know a lot of people feel the same way that I do, so please let it be known if you're uncomfortable with certain terms. Sure, there are people that are going to be total assholes about it, but I'd say that's a great indicator to steer clear of that person.
There are two sides to this.
One side is the speaker, who is responsible for not saying something hurtful. This is obviously flexible depending on history with the listener, the listeners stated preferences, and the context of the speech. (For example, my youngest and I routinely greet each other extremely harshly, and to an outside listener it would sound like abusive language. But to us it’s just friendly banter.)
The other side is the… listener? I don’t know how to refer to this side tbh. Anyway, they have a responsibility to tell the other person when something hurtful has been said. Because the speaker has no real way to know hurt has been caused unless they are told.
So if the speaker calls the listener dude, and the listener never says “hey I don’t really like being called dude” that’s on the listener. But if the hearer does state that, and the listener continues to call them dude, that’s on the speaker.
That got weirdly complex in my brain at the end for some reason so I hope I made sense.
But this goes for everything you say to someone, or about someone when they could hear it or find out later. You cannot possibly always know what will hurt someone.