this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2024
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make sure you ask your trans/non binary friends what they do and don't like to be called 😊 it can mean a lot, if your unaware

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[–] MeaanBeaan@lemmy.world 112 points 9 months ago (1 children)

If someone were to take offense to me calling them dude I would absolutely make every effort to stop the behavior. I would never want anyone to feel invalidated over something like that.

That being said I feel like this whole outrage is manufactured to rile people up. I highly doubt many people are getting worked up over it. Dude has very much become a gender neutral term and is even now just used as an exclamation. I'd be willing to bet a large portion, if not the large majority, of the trans community doesn't give a fuck about the term and they probably use it themselves.

[–] euphoric_cat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 9 months ago (1 children)

your probably right in it likely being a small minority, but it does give me the ick, for example

[–] MeaanBeaan@lemmy.world 54 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, I mean, if someone politely asked another person to stop calling them some phrase or another and they refused they're definitely an asshole. No doubt about it.

In the same token though if someone gets rude and indignant over someone calling them dude one time that person is also an asshole.

We should be treating people with respect. Period.

You're right. I do think it's important though to be open to admitting that many of the terms we use are reflective of a hetero/cisnormative patriarchy. I live in a region where it's very common to call someone "guy," regardless of gender. It may be used in a non-gendered way by most people here, but I'm trying to drop it from my vocabulary since it has gendered roots, and there are better terms I can use that are more inclusive. I feel the same way about "dude."

I think everyone needs to be open to at least having a discussion, but I've seen people double down when asked to use a different term. That's not what you're doing obviously, but I've seen it.

I think this also applies to people trying to reclaim slurs. I've had other LGBT+ people call me the f-slur repeatedly when I simply tell them I don't identify with that term.

We all need to be more thoughtful, I think. Myself included

[–] protist@mander.xyz 72 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Maybe I'm part of the problem, but in my day-to-day life, I even hear women calling each other "dude" all the time, and it seems like it's become a non-gendered term.

Even the Wikipedia article says this:

By the late 20th to early 21st century, dude had gained the ability to be used in the form of expression, whether that be disappointment, excitement, or loving and it also widened to be able to refer to any general person no matter race, sex, or culture.

[–] TheFriar@lemm.ee 31 points 9 months ago

By the late 20th to early 21st century, dude had gained the ability to be used in the form of expression, whether that be disappointment, excitement, or loving and it also widened to be able to refer to any general person no matter race, sex, or culture. This is all thanks to one Kel Mitchell and his song, “I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, ‘cause we’re all dudes.”

Ftfy

[–] Wilzax@lemmy.world 56 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Fragile ego. Become truly indifferent to pronouns to destroy all gender roles and eliminate the ability for anyone to be transphobic by normalizing any self expression for any person.

Dude will evolve to become a personality archetype moreso than a gender-associated noun.

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[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 44 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I'm trans and have spent many years in trans spaces and this is the first I've heard of "dude" being problematic. Maybe it's a regional dialect thing? I did once have a colleague ask me to stop referring to our group as "guys," tho, I switched it to "team" instead.

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[–] mlg@lemmy.world 40 points 9 months ago (5 children)

My dude, dude is used as a gender neutral term

This complaint doesn't even makes sense because you would always be using it as a noun, not a pronoun

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[–] Leviathan@lemmy.world 37 points 9 months ago

That's actually the way I talk to everyone naturally. That being said, if someone asked me not to call them a specific kind of way I'd respect that.

[–] EsheLynn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 36 points 9 months ago

While I consider dude a gender neutral term, if someone asked me to stop calling them dude, I would, as it is respectful to them.

[–] stratosfear@lemmy.sdf.org 27 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (5 children)

But seriously, no offense meant at all. As someone who grew up "in the time period" in southern California the term "dude" is inescapable, regardless of gender. Trying to remove that from my vocabulary would be akin to removing "whoa" or "wow"... (I have zero issues with pronoun preferences)

If the image reference is missed, please give The Big Lebowski a view. It's not necessarily for everyone but it's such a gem.

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[–] Funkwonker@lemmy.world 27 points 9 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Hootz@lemmy.ca 24 points 9 months ago

I call my wife bro and dude constantly.

But obviously if someone doesn't want to be called dude or bro they can let me know and I'll gladly change my terms when dealing with them.

[–] CobblerScholar@lemmy.world 22 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's fair if you want to not be called dude, it's also fair that a lot people will fuck it up the first time

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[–] SmoochyPit@beehaw.org 21 points 9 months ago

I agree, it’s nice to ask somebody about their boundaries, and it can really make them feel more comfortable.

However, I do consider it the other person’s responsibility to establish the boundaries and uphold them; if I call them something they dislike, I’d hope they’d feel comfortable enough to tell me (in a kind way). That’s the kind of friendship I’d want anyways. And if I purposefully ignore that request or argue it, I think it’s very fair for that person to be more stern in communicating their boundary. In this case, “I don’t care that you use it as gender-neutral, I don’t want to be called ‘dude’.”

Good friends/people would respect your wishes, though. It’s your identity, at the end of the day.

[–] ArmokGoB@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 9 months ago (1 children)

This place really is turning into Reddit 2.0

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[–] trslim@pawb.social 20 points 9 months ago (5 children)
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[–] DessertStorms@kbin.social 20 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (10 children)

Good job getting some nasty assholes to out themselves and get blocked...

Here's a news flash: if you pride yourself on refusing to show basic respect to other people - you're not brave or rebellious or special, you're just a piece of shit (and specifically in this case upholding the status quo and actively participating in its systems of oppression) it's as simple as that. ¯\(ツ)

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[–] KairuByte@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 9 months ago

I tend to only call guys dude, unless it’s more of a “dude what is going on” where “dude” isn’t actually referencing anyone in particular.

That said, I do say “guys” a lot for an all inclusive grouping.

Thought… I’m not really going to ask random people what they want me to refer to them as, and I’m also not going to start assuming I know who is trans/non binary. I don’t really want people asking me, either. Take a guess, if you guess wrong I’ll let you know. And I’d hope for the same from others.

The only time I’d really take offense is the second time, since that shows a clear disregard for my preferences. Well, disregard or malice.

[–] Kedly@lemm.ee 16 points 9 months ago

This thread is a good example of how disrespect can snowball as all parties involved get more and more defensive

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