Ask Men

Introverted late GenX/early millennial cis het male here. I didn't date much, but I had a pretty evenly mixed and diverse friend group. It helps the most that I moved from a small town to a major metropolitan area, which greatly expanded my friend group. I met one girlfriend when she was visiting her cousin and we hit it off. I met my wife at a friend's wedding, but we didn't start dating until two years later.

My advice to younger ones looking for love is this: widen out your friend group. Diversify in age, gender, race, and culture of origin. Not to find romantic partners in those areas, but to widen your in-person social network. I learned so much about my own romantic needs through my friendships with others. I got called out on creepy behavior by friends that were girls, I got kind advice on grooming by older guy friends. I adjusted my behaviors through simple association. None of that would have happened if I had stayed in my comfort zone (playing Xbox with my fellow nerds). And as I met friends of friends, I sometimes clicked with one on a romantic level. Not many, and definitely not all, and sometimes I was rejected, but that's life, right?

Today I've been married for over a decade. Some of the friendships I made have lasted, some have not. That didn't make them less valuable. I acknowledge that I'm coming from a different era. The way I made friends may not work today. At the time it was organic. I recognized my own nature to withdraw from people, and actively worked against it. If an invitation came, I accepted. I don't know if invitations would come today in person, but if you have some friends that are social media savvy that could be your in