Oh the feelin/ On a voice of betters yeah/ And i said/ I wanna be dead again

I don't know what your problem is. Yellow Ledbetter is totally understandable

"And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head." - Maskerade

Well yeah, that's what I've done, but I'm self employed and some of my customers are old and don't text. I've definitely lost some business because my voicemail is full

Visual voicemail is broken on my Pixel, but that might be my carrier (Mint)

BTW if anyone has a fix or a recommended app for visual voicemail please let me know

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

Also

Google Translate hat seine Grenzen

Unrelated, I always call the blue ones a Turdis, butt no one laughs

Put me in the screenshot

GODDAMMIT GBOARD

Well at least nothing was randomly capitalized this time

Yeah those cases are sad. I tend to just say my prices really high, and if they persist in wanting me to come out I suddenly don't have availability because of the "big government project" I've been hired to do. Even if they were worth the trouble of all the follow-up "someone broke in, you have to fix my locks" calls that inevitably come, I couldn't in good conscience take their money.

Last time it happened a lady wanted me to install Schlage Primus deadbolts on her house because her neighbor was "breaking in and moving things to mess with me". I gave her a quote that was 5x higher than it should have been. I kid you not, she said, "Okay, but I'll have to wait a couple of weeks to get the money. My husband said I couldn't change the locks anymore and that this is all in my head." Poor lady. I saved her number so I wouldn't forget if she called again, but I never heard from her. Hopefully she got the help she needed, but probably she got divorced and is living on the streets.

These aren't secrets, but may not be well known (unless you watch LPL):

Sentry Safes aren't safes, they are fire boxes with a fancy lock.

High security locks are not high security because of the lock design, but because the keys are very difficult to have duplicated.

No one (except maybe intelligence agencies) breaks in to a house by picking a lock, especially in the US. Windows, weak door frames, and, in a pinch, making a hole in the wall are all faster ways of getting in.

Car keys are so expensive because many manufacturers charge a subscription or per-use fee to access and program the keys to the ignition. These costs are passed on to consumers

No one is picking your locks just to move things around or steal small, insignificant items. You are either suffering from a mental disorder or a trusted member of the household is gaslighting you (it's not gaslighting though, ~~you're~~ your grasp of reality is slipping. Don't call me for a pick proof lock, just get help please)

Some manufacturers (you know, in China) will put any sticker you want on the products they produce, including UL and ANSI stickers. Before buying a product that is supposedly fire-rated, such as a fire safe, check the UL website to verify the item is actually listed with them.

"Grade 1" door hardware sold in stores like Lowe's or Home Depot is, at best, Grade 2, and is likely Grade 3 (residential grade). These grades are really just about how durable the product is over time, and how much abuse they will endure by the public.

And just a little practical advice. Find a qualified, honest locksmith before you need one. We're like plumbers. If you wait until you have an emergency to find one, the quality will be questionable. There are a lot of scammers out there. If you don't have a resource for locksmiths beyond Google, look on the ALOA website for members in your area. The good ones will know who the other good ones are, and won't be shy about sharing that info if they are unavailable or too far away