this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2023
264 points (100.0% liked)
Asklemmy
43944 readers
767 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy ๐
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Reminds of a post a few days ago, that described how people think you're condescending and sit on a high horse, just because you use some fancy words here and there.
Meanwhile I'm just trying to describe something with as much detail as possible, because it's important to convey exactly what I mean.
If you're not being eloquent in your interlocution, then what are you even doing?
I find treading the line between people thinking I'm talking down to them vs them thinking I'm pretentiously trying to seem smarter than them exhausting. It's a stupid game where I try really hard not to unintentiont piss people off and they get offended and resentful anyway because I dared to try to communicate with them but failed to perfectly thread the needle of how to speak to them on a level they are comfortable with.
I'm at a point where I just don't care anymore. If someone can't appreciate that my intention is to improve their understanding of the matter, then they can suck my nuts, and fuck off.
Sadly I find that the people who I most often come into conflict about this with are the ones who have unknowingly curated their social world to only people with very similar brains to themselves by being an intolerable jerk to those who don't (I suspect their discomfort with someone being "smarter" than them stems from projecting their own feelings and behaviour towards those "dumber" than them) but due to external circumstances of life we are forced to try our best to get along. The fact that they make that unecesarily difficult doesn't change that I still need to do my best to do so. Meanwhile, anyone I don't need to get along with who acts that way tends to very quickly pick up on the message to suck my nuts and fuck off. For those who I must get along with I try very hard not to try to clarify things for them unless it seems either quite important that they have a better understanding or that it would be very easy and non-comtraversial to do so. I still usually try to give them plenty of time to figure it out themselves, then try to give them the least amount of prompting possible. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Meanwhile I'll still happily ask for their help if there's something that exceeds my capabilities but not theirs. It's just a shame that intelligence (whatever that really means) is somehow seen as more important an indicator of someone's worth than most other random traits like height, coordination etc.
As a profoundly clumsy person I've never felt I was being personally insulted by someone else being dexterous for example.