this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2023
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This is more or less exactly what we did with our kiddo. We had time limits and strict control when she was little. Then moved into similar time limits and a looser "over-the-shoulder" monitoring plus a monitoring app that we'd sort of look at monthly. Now she's a teen with her own phone (13 when she got it, and it was my old device), an iPad, and a gaming pc. Time limits are sort of out the window now, and the monitoring app is more or less useless. But we do still have a tech curfew for everything except Spotify and offline creative endeavors.
She was 100% a part of the decision-making and understood the role of the "nanny" software. It's always been a major point to discuss these things with her, and explain "why" at every step of the process. She's also pretty sharp when it comes to identifying harmful things, and even comes to us when she stumbles across a potentially questionable video or something.
Open two-way communication has always been important and a focus in all of these issues. I grew up with conservative totalitarian parents, and learned how to lie and be sneaky just to be myself. I don't want that for her, and while I know we've screwed up along the way (who doesn't?), she seems a lot healthier than I was at her age.
It's not easy, that's for sure. Communication is always important, but what works for one kid may not work for another. Hopefully it continues well as she enters high school!
Good luck with your own in the future!