TenForward: Where Every Vulcan Knows Your Name

Why do they not just beam the shit directly out of their colons into space?

This sounds like that stupid pottermore thing Rowling posted about. The one where before the invention of indoor plumbing and the subsequent retrofit of restrooms at Hogwarts, the student body and faculty just regularly pissed and shat themselves and magically disappeared the mess and stains.

At least this beaming approach would (presumably) involve disappearing the waste before they shat themselves. Although the idea of Kirk (SHATner, lol) sitting in his captain's seat on the bridge grunting with exertion mid-battle command as the Klingon war birds decloak, loading his pants, and requesting an "evac" of his pants from Scotty only to find out the transporters are down is... chefs kiss.

I like to think that there is some advanced R&D vessel out there with an eccentric captain who has ordered all toilets be dismantled on the ship. Instead, they must call down to some poor transporter tech who's dedicated role is "waste management". They have to lock onto their target's location and beam the contents of their colons and bladders directly to the material supply for the food replicators (you heard me). Of course, accidents happen. Colons get chunks removed. Feces ends up in the wrong locations (unintentionally? ... ). New alien crewmembers with exotic anatomies like branching or migrating colons make the transport techs go on strike. Waste matter not properly dissentigrated before being used by the replicators leads to an e coli outbreak from very not good tasting tea. That, subsequently, triples shifts for "waste management" transport techs with all the diarrhea going around. That's like 4 episodes right there. Star Trek: Lower Decks writers, are you taking notes?!