this post was submitted on 08 Mar 2024
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I wonder why my comment provoked such a reaction. Imagine that you drink coffee with a person that barely has their ends meet, while you live a decent life, having a nice apartment, access to therapy, a car, and a motorcycle.
But you both work in the same building, and you know that this is unfair. Moreover, you probably couldn't offer help or even buy them coffee because they would think this is offensive.
And the only thing I feel is the shame of taking advantage over them.
This is a great sentiment but you really have to work on your delivery haha. Your first comment gives the impression that you feel superior because you make more money.
OMG, I've reread it and I finally got it. Thank you!
I have plenty of friends richer than me. Some much richer. Why would that make me resent them? I'm happy for their success.
But you probably aren't a janitor with $300/mo salary at most.
Where the hell do you live where Janitors are paid $300 a month? Because that sounds like the real problem, not you being friends with them.
Agree. I don't want to solve this problem, I just want to phase out.
But I also don't think you understand that these are two entirely different issues.
Let's say that Janitor was paid $300,000 a year. They're still probably not going to make anywhere near as much as the senior engineer at the company where they clean. That doesn't mean the senior engineer shouldn't befriend the janitor or feel guilty that they make more money than the janitor.
Should janitors get paid more? Absolutely.
Should people who get paid more than them be friends with them? Also absolutely.
Being friends with someone who doesn't get paid as much as you helps you advocate for them to get paid more. After all, you'll never know that the janitor is being underpaid if you don't talk to them about it.
Again, I agree with everything you've said.
But on the interpersonal level it's hard, at least for me, to hold a conversation with a person who earns $300/mo.
What would we talk about? I could've said that I started playing in a theater, learned how to yacht, anything that involves money, because I have them. While they would've shared how they've discovered an old grandma's reflex camera or taught their dogs a new trick. And I would really enjoy the conversation if I hadn't had a malicious feeling of shame inside me, telling me that my yacht lesson costs a week or two of their meal.
How about movies? Music? Books? Politics? Even just how it's a nice day and they hope it's nice for them.
Is material wealth all you talk about to friends? I hope not.
The person in the post just gets their janitor friend a coffee and drinks it with him in the morning. They probably aren't having deep philosophical discussions.
It's about being someone's friend, not their best friend.
What's the difference between befriending someone who's worse off than you who works in the same building vs someone off the street? Your ability to help them is ~ the same, but you could give them a person to talk to.
They're not aliens, or pets to be taken care of. If a grown-ass man wants to chat with another grown-ass man about something mutually interesting to both, then why bring prerequisites into the equation?
Now, if it's a "we hang out every single night and discuss finances and aspirations and such" situation, sure, I can see a disconnect if the higher-up person doesn't try to help, but your comment almost sounds like a internet-fueled caste system when taken too literally.
I understand but giving them consideration is already something important. Don't force your help, but if you get to learn about them and see where they are struggling, you can suggest something more naturally. For example, if you know they are looking for another job, you can suggest reviewing their CV or maybe share a contact you have a relevant one. If they think it's offensive, then too bad, but you did your human part.