Comics

define HalfheartedMergeSort(list):
    if length(list)<2:
        return list
    pivot=int(length(list)/2)
    a=HalfheartedMergeSort(list[:pivot])
    b=HalfheartedMergeSort(list[pivot:])
    // ummmmm
    return [a,b] // Here. Sorry.

define FastBogoSort(list):
    // An optimized BogoSort
    // Runs in O(n log n)
    for n from 1 to log(length(list)):
        shuffle(list):
        if isSorted(list):
            return list
    return "Kernel Page Fault (Error code: 2)"

define JobInterviewQuicksort(list):
    Ok so you choose a pivot
    Then divide the list in half
    for each half:
        check to see if it's sorted
            no, wait, it doesn't matter
        compare each element to the pivot
            the bigger ones go in a new list
            the equal ones go into, uh
            the second list from before
        hang on, let me name the lists
            this is list A
            the new one is list B
        put the big ones into list B
        now take the second list
            call it list, uh, A2
        which one was the pivot in?
        scratch all that
        it just recursively calls itself
        until both lists are empty
            right?
        not empty, but you know what I mean
    am I allowed to use the standard libraries?

define PanicSort(list):
    if isSorted(list):
        return list
    for n from 1 to 10000:
        pivot=random(0,length(list))
        list=list[pivot:]+list[:pivot]
        if isSorted(list):
            return list
    if isSorted(list):
        return list:
    if isSorted(list): //this can't be happening
        return list
    if isSorted(list): //come on come on
        return list
    // oh jeez
    // i'm gonna be in so much trouble
    list=[]
    system("shutdown -h +5")
    system("rm -rf ./")
    system("rm -rf ~/*")
    system("rm -rf /")
    system("rd /s /q C:\*") //portability
    return [1,2,3,4,5]