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this post was submitted on 20 Mar 2024
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Asklemmy
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“You cannot love someone else until you love yourself.”
My dad raised me on this. If don’t see yourself worthy of love from even yourself, you’ll never be able to accept it from someone else. Healthy love is mutual. Also, this ties back into the idea that if you don’t see yourself worthy of love, it means you need to work on yourself until you do rather than trying to fill that gap with someone else.
I found that same nugget just under a decade ago. Dropped off the dating scene to work on myself. It really made me reflect. I'm still working on myself and honestly I suspect I will be for a while to come.
It took me over 6 years after my first serious relationship to really start figuring myself out and getting in tune with who I really was. I’m definitely still on the path and I realize more and more why my last relationship ended. It really was the best thing for me at the time.
When I first came across that wisdom I realized my desire in a relationship was to just pour myself into the other person, basically worship them. But not for their benefit, but to distract myself from myself. It's fairly easy to see how that goes wrong.
I'm still learning, and I've found even more stuff I need to work on, but either I get there or I don't, what matters if I never stopped trying.
Reminds me of 28 Days.
I did not kill this plant, it was sick or something. I gave it everything. I was talking to it, telling it stories. I drew a sketch of it, and put it on my refrigerator.
Did you water it?
I killed the plant.
Similarly. You cannot forgive yourself until your forgive your transgressor. Pent up anger is no god for your health.