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Please help: What's your take on woman drinking guy's beer without asking after he starts dancing with her? (beehaw.org)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org

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Please be kind with me as I am new to this platform. I was at a club when a very handsome guy, totally my type, started dancing with me. I don't know what gave me the courage to take the half finished beer from his hand and take a sip of it without asking. I then gave his beer back to him, and he said he had to go but will be right back. It was an excuse to stop dancing with me since he just stayed put in his friend group without going anywhere. I've been feeling really bad after that happened and would have danced the night away with him if I could. And now I have no idea what his name or phone number is, just keep replaying that night in my mind.

What is your opinion on a woman taking a man's beer and having a sip without asking? Is it such an awful gesture that his sudden rejection was warranted? Was he angry, scared off, or just thought I was easy? I am not that type of person and had no ill intentions whatsoever. I just acted on natural impulse and was trying to be flirtatious. Thank you for any advice and comfort.

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[–] 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I don't think gender is of much help here, apart from your preference/orientation when flirting.

Personally, it would've put me off a bit if someone I haven't seen before took a drink out of my hand without asking, because my only way of dissenting would rely on an unprepared attention and strength game - would I've been asked (person pointing on the drink or verbally asking), I could say or gesture a yes (Only yes means yes). Asking is sexy.

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I agree, thank you. That could've been a good opportunity to actually speak to him for the first time. I keep wondering though, was there anything that could have been done to fix the situation once it happened?

[–] jarfil@beehaw.org 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

That could've been a good opportunity to actually speak to him for the first time.

You took someone's drink... before even having spoken to them first?

That's all kinds of weird.

Best interpretation would be, you wanted to skip all the talk and other time wasters, and just have a quickie in the bathroom, then maybe exchange numbers or not. Some people are into dogging, others into "free use" orgies, so not trying to shame anyone, but most people are not into those scenes.

Worse interpretations, start at poor hygiene, trying to spike their drink, ending up in not expecting consent, rape, robbing them, or even death. STDs are also a concern (starting with mono, which most but not everyone got, and in some cases can cause acute reactions).

There might be a dom/sub pair that could find that move as reasonable flirting... but not talking it before, is still weird.

was there anything that could have been done to fix the situation

You could've tried approaching them and apologizing, but chances are it wouldn't work.

If you don't think it should be a normal flirting step towards whatever you want, best thing is to "live and learn": just don't do it again.