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I don't enjoy it when people compliment me. Why could it be? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 7 months ago by Quintus@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

41 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Not to brag but I'm a pretty confident person in my social circle. I'm funny, make people laugh etc. etc.

Basically, I am adored by everybody.

But there is something that I noticed about myself lately. Regularly people come up to me to chat and sometimes they compliment me. Now, complimenting isn't a bad thing, obviously. But I just don't feel anything when I receive them.

However I enjoy it when people talk good things about me when I'm not present. I, again, don't feel anything when people talk shit about me when I'm not present. BUT I really enjoy it when people straight up come at me and say something bad at me. My mood increases and I spend the rest of my day happier.

Is this some kind of a defense/coping mechanism that I have unintentionally developed? I don't see anything bad about this.

It's also worthy to say that I spent the majority of my life isolated up until a few years ago. No compliments at all but nobody to say bad things either. Is this why I fail to appreciate compliments?

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[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

I'm an extrovert, and I was a gifted kid. I haven't been gaslit about my abilities, and I was supported and encouraged as a kid. I know what I'm capable of, and I know my limitations. I love myself, and wouldn't choose to be anyone else.

Yet I hate compliments.

To me, compliments feel like someone passing judgement on me, like they're putting themselves in a place above me so they can judge me. I'm aware that's not what they're doing, but that's always been what it feels like to me.

However, you can compliment things I've done, and I'm here for it

I have no idea what it means :)

[–] Quintus@lemmy.ml 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I’m an extrovert, and I was a gifted kid. I haven’t been gaslit about my abilities, and I was supported and encouraged as a kid. I know what I’m capable of, and I know my limitations. I love myself, and wouldn’t choose to be anyone else.

I'm the exact same. Well, perhaps saying "exact" is too much. Let's just say "similar" instead. I love myself so much.

To me, compliments feel like someone passing judgement on me, like they’re putting themselves in a place above me so they can judge me. I’m aware that’s not what they’re doing, but that’s always been what it feels like to me.

While I personally think they aren't judging me, I sometimes feel like I'm doing exactly what you have described when I compliment people. I try to compliment people whenever I can in order to make them feel good and while it works, I feel like I'm above them for doing so.

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 7 months ago

While I personally think they aren’t judging me, I sometimes feel like I’m doing exactly what you have described when I compliment people. I try to compliment people whenever I can in order to make them feel good and while it works, I feel like I’m above them for doing so.

Yep, I struggle giving compliments for the same reason! So I give compliments in the way I can receive them, which is to compliment the things that people have said/done or are planning etc, rather than complimenting the person.