this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2024
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the colleague in question feels that only her way of doing things is the right one and expects me to adapt to her way of thinking and her logic. This is tiring and burdensome because I have to force me to stop doing things automatically and efficiently, but think how she wants it done and do it her way. I work worse when this happens.

There are several ways to reach the same goal and I always adapt according to the situation at hand. I do what feels logic at the time and work my way.

I already told the charge nurse charge about it but I don't know if she had a conversation with this coworker and what was said.

The message has to be neutral and polite. What do you think of this?

I feel you believe you are my boss. You are not. Stop telling me how to work. It's tiring. You have your way of doing things, I've got mine, both equally good. Should you have a problem with this, contact the charge or manager. I'm gonna go work now.

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[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I think that is likely to result in confrontation. As a general rule I'd suggest always discussing this with your manager first - if you communicate with them directly it may turn into an HR issue where your direct communication would be highly scrutinized.

My advice would be to talk candidly with your manager and express what has happened already and how you feel about it - then my suggestion, as a manager myself, is to suggest a meeting with you, her and the technical decision maker (whether that's a manager or a tech lead) to discuss the scenario and different solutions you can take. It is extremely unlikely (and generally unhealthy for a workplace) for the final path to be entirely your idea or hers - compromise is the expected outcome here. Compromise breeds further cooperation so even if your entire solution is just outright better a good lead will make sure opinions from everyone are incorporated into the plan. You'll end up having a brainstorming session essentially with a chaperone to make sure neither person is disregarded and should come out better for it.

I've been a dev (junior through senior), I've been an architect, and I've been a manager - I want to stress that the technical outcome of this decision is usually secondary to mending the team rift. I have, as an architect, conceded to a bad plan to give confidence to an intermediate developer (and made my boss aware of everything going on) and then immediately set out building a plan to fix it once the solution went live (and no, i didn't "I told you so" or anything, I just silently built the plan and made sure we could easily pivot our implementation). Working together and building a positive team environment is extremely important.