this post was submitted on 08 May 2024
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Please read post for full context; any help or input is appreciated! I disclosed sensitive info to a close female coworker (let's say Ann), who is best friends with the male coworker mentioned (Ned). I'm sure she told him, but then they both seemed to want me to still tell him directly. I did because I believe in doing the right thing, and Ann also was a huge help for something relating to my info, even though I strongly did not want this secret to spread. Ned kept it secret; however, I detest how he started feeling like he had the upper hand and could manipulate me like a puppet to do stupid intern shit for him like repeatedly printing files, including evenings and even attempted to reach me on the weekend by text. I ignored and replied from my work email the next Monday. I could see in his eyes that he had romantic thoughts about me which is largely what made all of this sickening. Ann also went behind my back to tell my private business to one of our other coworkers, who is extremely judgmental and tough on people, and even he did not exploit it - leading us to actually become much closer and respect each other.

What pissed me off the most was when Ned - and Ann - ganged up and tried coercing me into letting him drop me off at home on a Saturday night after I reluctantly made sacrifices in my schedule to meet with them two - choosing to ignore my multiple clear "NO" about the ride as I preferred public transportation. I was having a panic attack in his car while they just relentlessly and repeatedly egged me on, thinking they could break me. They finally let up after going back and forth, and I went home by public transpo.

Ned went to a different team so we didn't talk for months. I then updated everyone in a mass email about my leaving the overall group, and that's when he called. Again, he waited until evening - after work hours - to call me. I instantly feel disgusted as it took me back to that traumatic experience. Why can't he just get the hint and drop it? I did not reach out to him directly to update him, even though it is related to the original sensitive info, because I do not want to talk or encourage anything! I do not want to keep in touch with someone who completely disregarded my preferences and basically nearly kidnapped me. I have no interest in him platonically, romantically, or professionally. Should I call back, text, email from my soon-to-expire work address, email from my personal address, or ignore him? I'm afraid it'll still bug me if I ignore. I also want to be on good terms with Ann (she has some connections where I'm heading to and I fear she'll retaliate), even if she doesn't understand what went wrong and no one has apologized since that incident.

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[โ€“] seang96@spgrn.com 15 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Always always leave a trail when possible. Email would be the best bet for an audit trail. After calling / conversatin, do a follow-up email to keep the audit trail and confirming what was discussed

[โ€“] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 8 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I agree, thank you! I started doing that when he was harassing me about printing months ago. It was such a ridiculous question. He asked me where in the office the printers are. They are literally everywhere. And he has been there before. There is a huge map at the entrance. Also I was not even on the floor, nor am I Maintenance. I emailed back something like "I missed the text you had sent on the weekend. There are printers near each of the supplies areas on the floor."

[โ€“] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I am so uncomfortable because of the new developments! He not only called but Facetimed me, and obviously does not want to have a trail. I am glad he ignored the reply I sent back via work email at the time but I thought that was it and he has resurfaced. What are your thoughts on the new developments described in my response to Aphelion above? This is so uncomfortable and I feel trapped!

[โ€“] seang96@spgrn.com 1 points 6 months ago

I am probably not the best for advice, this harrasment needs nipped imo and consulting a lawyer seems like a good idea. I think it'd help having legal documentation in case it worsens. If they try to hurt your reputation then you have legal backup to sue and get a restraining order if it gets worse. They probably can help not going nuclear first too.

Please stay safe.