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The last time you were misgendered and the last time you misgendered someone else, why? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 year ago by CraigOhMyEggo@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Asking both questions here. Please don't be too political here, it's a timeless issue and that's the angle I'm asking from.

Especially in an age which no longer is lenient towards it (not that any era did; I'm sure the most ancient of knights did not wish to fall for it), it always surprises me how dogmatically people treat their intuition, as in there are people who will say "that's definitely a guy" or "that's definitely a girl" even though a trip down Google lane will show how easy it is to have "definitely a guy" vibes as a girl or "definitely a girl" vibes as a guy.

My voice over the phone is ambiguous and I was calling customer service for a sport company one day, and half-way through the call, they held their hand on the part of the phone they speak in (poorly, which is why I still heard them) to refer to the "ma'am" on the other side (me), and quick-thinking me imitated the old man from the demonic furby clip saying "I'm a sir", to everyone's laughter. I'm only humorous when it's adequate to get the message across.

I'm not often misgendered by my looks, the last time that happened I was in school wearing pink and a teacher thought I was a girl. And I think I've only misgendered someone once for the same reason.

I thought to ask this seeing people really hammer into people about what gender a friend of mine must be even though it's not the friend's gender. Like, take this picture of the friend for example, what gender comes to your mind looking at that (you can count that as a side question and a "second opinion" question to an earlier one)? What made you say this with certainty?

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[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I was a tall and thin teenage girl, wore heels, hung out in gay bars, not gay but they were a safe space for weird kids, sometimes when wearing lotsa makeup got mistaken for drag queen, wasn't there to pick up guys, obviously, so didn't have to care. So last time was very, very long ago.

But I just address people now how they present, and since it's gotten more complicated it's also become fine to ask people how they would like to be addressed, do they have a choice of pronouns, whatever. It's not rocket science, just be nice.