Dads Only

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This is a Lemmy group for Dads Only. A place for Dads to post about their lives, wives & kids. All are welcome but you must respect the rules.

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DonnieNarco@lemmy.world

my wife is pregnant and all I feel is worried (lemmy.world)

submitted 5 months ago by philthi@lemmy.world to c/dadsonly@lemmy.world

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Hello dads,

I'll be a dad myself shortly, and it's entirely planned, we discussed the idea and then worked towards making it happen. My wife is over the moon and loving the whole process and I'm struggling to see it as a positive change. All I'm seeing is more bills and tasks.

I want to be excited and enthusiastic during the pregnancy (and of course afterwards) but I'm struggling to see this as a positive change for our next - at least - 5 years.

It's causing some stress between my wife and I, when really I'd much prefer we were bonding now in preparation for the stress our relationship is going to need to endure after the baby arrives.

I guess this is partly just venting, I feel like anyone I know that I might say this to, would think I'm a bad person considering it was entirely planned and now I'm not feeling it after its too late to undo, but if anyone has some ideas on how I can focus more on the positives (I do see them... watching their personality growing, seeing the world from their fresh perspective, a sense of investment in the future, etc. I just struggle to focus on them) of this and less on the incoming bills and sleepless night and relationship stress, so my wife and I can bond, it'd mean a lot to me.

I'm also concerned that I'm seeing the baby as a problem instead of a... Source of joy? and that this might mean I don't really have a natural parental instinct, so I won't love it like I should, but instead see it as a series of chores and costs and problems.

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[–] almpeter@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 months ago

Enjoy the ride. You can't really do much anything else useful. Worrying doesn't help anyone. But if I remember correctly, for my first kid I faked a lot of the positive emotions to avoid stress for the mother... felt probably pretty similar to you. All rational, and seeing a lot of my future time and energy spent not for me and my enjoyment, but someone elses.

But the moment i first saw this tiny human - I cried and weeped and laughed and I can't imagine a feeling that can top this (we had a second 3 years later, and thats the only thing that compares to this moment). Seeing something so fragile, delicate and beautiful, made by you and your loved one... no fake emotions were needed by this time. Best day, best moment of my life, no doubt about that!

Sure, they're 7 and 4 now and theres a lot of energy that both of us as parents invested... but at least for us its the best spent energy, time and money we could ever imagine (ok, we both havent tried heroin yet ;-))...