Dads Only

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DonnieNarco@lemmy.world

my wife is pregnant and all I feel is worried (lemmy.world)

submitted 5 months ago by philthi@lemmy.world to c/dadsonly@lemmy.world

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Hello dads,

I'll be a dad myself shortly, and it's entirely planned, we discussed the idea and then worked towards making it happen. My wife is over the moon and loving the whole process and I'm struggling to see it as a positive change. All I'm seeing is more bills and tasks.

I want to be excited and enthusiastic during the pregnancy (and of course afterwards) but I'm struggling to see this as a positive change for our next - at least - 5 years.

It's causing some stress between my wife and I, when really I'd much prefer we were bonding now in preparation for the stress our relationship is going to need to endure after the baby arrives.

I guess this is partly just venting, I feel like anyone I know that I might say this to, would think I'm a bad person considering it was entirely planned and now I'm not feeling it after its too late to undo, but if anyone has some ideas on how I can focus more on the positives (I do see them... watching their personality growing, seeing the world from their fresh perspective, a sense of investment in the future, etc. I just struggle to focus on them) of this and less on the incoming bills and sleepless night and relationship stress, so my wife and I can bond, it'd mean a lot to me.

I'm also concerned that I'm seeing the baby as a problem instead of a... Source of joy? and that this might mean I don't really have a natural parental instinct, so I won't love it like I should, but instead see it as a series of chores and costs and problems.

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[–] antlion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 5 months ago

Your feeling is completely rational. Your life will be more difficult for the next 4 years. And after that it will still be difficult but you’ll just kind of be better equipped to manage it.

When your kid is born, you will get a nice hit of oxytocin for a few weeks. It will help a bit but don’t expect to fall instantly in love with a newborn who doesn’t smile at you and sucks all the energy out of your wife. For me I really fell in love with my kid around 9 months, making her giggle.

Find an outlet. For me it was to run a mile and then knock one out in the shower. In total the run and shower took only 20-25 minutes. Useful for later term pregnancy and also the first 6 months with a newborn. Anyway you need a way to reset yourself into a positive state.