this post was submitted on 24 Jun 2023
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Romance in the 21st century (beehaw.org)
submitted 1 year ago by SlamDrag@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org
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Hello friends, if you'll allow me, I would like to rant for a moment about the state of dating in an urban setting.

I don't want to immediately say things were better decades ago, but as someone who is monogamous, vanilla, just wants a steady partner, it feels impossible to date with the current apps. I am in hobby groups, I'm on Bumble, Hinge etc., I meet new people. Yet I can't seem to find anyone. I'm despairing friends, I'm despairing.

I feel like I'm picking people off an algorithm. The room for surprise and delight has been cut off. Now there is only space for cold hard data. Lots of pretty people with good education and it's so hard to see them as people and not just another part of an ever growing list. Another dot in the scatter plot.

People who are in LTRs, how'd you find your partner? What keeps you together?

Other single folk, how are you finding dating to be in your current locale? What things have brought success or failure in your mind? How do you define success or failure?

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[–] furrowsofar@beehaw.org 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Regarding "the one". I think people misunderstand what it means. There is no magical one person out there to find. On the other hand once you find someone they can very well become "your one". That really takes a lifetime though. My wife and I have been together over 25 years and each year has been better and deeper. After the first date mentally I thought it would be over in 3 months.