this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2023
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Asklemmy
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There shouldn't be an expectation to always be "on". I'll reply to people, but sometimes it might a few days or a week later.
But then I'm old enough to have had pen pals and remember conversations that would go on for years with weeks or months inbetween each exchange.
True, but people lost this because of the constant media input. They won't reply in a day or a week, they completely forget to do it at all. Also sometimes not replying is totally fine, it's more of a general rule. I know myself that I sometimes send stuff where there's no response required. But when I ask if they have time to hang out and they don't reply, even if it's just to not insult me, that's stupid.
People should say if they have time or not. My best buddy only started to say "no" once I told him I'm totally fine with it. Somehow people lack confidence these days...I don't know. I'm not that old but people used to be more willing to just decline instead of ghosting. Not showing you've read a message by blocking the recipe arrows, is even worse and I kick people like that out of my friend list. I see it as duty to reply friends and people that care about me, so I expect that from other people as well.
My personal conclusion is, that too many people have too many fake friends and secretly they feel lonely because of the world they've build themselves. A world of no commitment and no responsibility. It's like people who always lie, so they assume everyone else is constantly lying.
This sounds like you have really unhealthy friendships with poor communication. Sure, an acknowledgement of your invitation at the very least is respectful, but I also would never expect any of the people I love to feel an obligation to be tied to their phone or to have to speak to me if in that moment they don't want to. People have lives that don't revolve around me, and I know that doesn't mean that they care about me any less.
Maybe their anxiety is playing up that week? Maybe they're depressed? Maybe they're really busy? None of these things are an insult to me, and if you care about each other then you'll make time at some point.
Na, your interpret too much into that. I just didn't feel like writing even more text. I don't expect people to be tied to their phone, there's a clear difference. I don't expect people to care as much as I do either.
But if people find zero time talking to you, you still think they care about you? That's pretty naive.
The only unhealthy about that is sticking to people like that. Wasting energy for fake friends is a waste of time. But that's also more of a German cultural thing and I dislike that we become more American where this is also taken way less seriously. Being a friend also means acting like one. Yes everyone has their reason why they might not have time or feel like talking, yet friends means also responsibility, else it's not a friend and just a buddy, replaceable, unimportant, unloyal, like the 1000 people they have in their Facebook list.
If people have zero time to talk to you then they're not a friend, no, but I'm talking about expecting instant replies. I very much agree with you about not giving time to fake friends, and that's what I was referring to about unhealthy friendships in my previous comment.
I think the majority of interactions with my friends just happen in person so most conversations aren't taking place on my phone, apart from those that live far away. And I have like 200 friends on Facebook because I made a new account and only added people I care about (which I highly recommend for any social media!).