This is my cat, Max. His dad was a feral maine coon and his mum was a lazy barn cat. He is simultaneously weirdly crafty and the most head-empty animal you could meet.
He yaps a lot which is normal, he likes annoying the birds at our window. But also he will not stop eating hair? I don't exactly leave random strands of hair everywhere; my wife and I have shoulder length & extremely long hair respectively, but we always put stray strands in the bin.
Idk where he even finds it, but he eats hair. He loves to eat hair. He sits by the couch or our carpeted stairs and he chomps at the air, trying to grab a spare strand and eat it. He chomps like mad all day at random places. Occasionally I catch him dragging his ass, because he has a turd hanging from his butthole by a long strand of hair 
Why on earth does he do this? How do I stop him? Why is my dog so dumb??
He always finds them... I think it's just strands that come free from my head when I'm not paying attention
sneaky dog
could you make your hair taste bad or be otherwise unappealing somehow? is there a particular scent/flavor that he hates but you like well enough to wear it in your hair for a few months?
Does my hair taste good??
Uh he hates coffee, I offer him coffee sometimes and he backs up lmao. Coffee perfume...? 
Coffee shampoos are a thing
Dangly poos though