What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you noob? I'll have you know I graduated top of my chess club, and I've been involved in numerous speed tournaments on lichess, and I have over 300 confirmed check mates. I am trained in white and black, and I'm the top puzzle solver in my freshman class. You are nothing to me but just another check mate. I will windmill you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this chess meet up, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of grandmaster over the former USSR and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your Elo. You're fucking lost, kid. My queen can be all over the board at anytime, and I can check mate you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my pawn. Not only am I extensively trained in check mate puzzles, but I have access to the entire arsenal of my side of the chess board and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass-pieces off the face of the board, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and your king and you will drown in it. You fucking lost, kiddo

The size of the chess board is not related to the inability of some pieces to be on some colors.. that only depends on the starting positions.
Thus downvotes.
Are you loggerheaded?

Right, obviously! How could I have made such a careless mistake! T_T

Just move the farthest pawn forward, past infinity.