Two chicks at the same time
this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2023
207 points (89.1% liked)
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Thats it? If you had a fighter jet, you’d do two chicks at the same time?
Chicks love fighter jets
You can’t pickup chicks in a fighter jet
Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything couldn't you? We're going to get a fighter jet, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?
Maybe you can't
Tom Cruise begs to differ
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And it’s really hard to have sex in a fighter jet. It's not exactly a roomy interior.
For having sex, the best experience is a minivan.
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Return it to Pepsi.
I discover the crashed F35 in my lone walk in the woods. As I start to take it apart for parts, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Lockheed. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the feds come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of FBI. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Lockheed to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the F35
Considering it is apparently a federal offense to tamper with aviation debris or accident scenes (assuming the plane looks intact) absolutely nothing, call local cops, they call AF.
Oh boy, aren't you the life of the party
question why in the hell I am in South Carolina?
That is a very good question. Next question please.
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Call the number on one of the "Plane missing! Have you seen me? ✈️ ✈️ ✈️" posters the Air Force put up all over the neighborhood.
turns up with weirdly f35 fighter jet shaped stomach. No, officer! I have never seen any jet, none at all! Nope, not a single tasty fighter jet around here! hic
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Its on the light poles with the lost cat.
Trade it in for a boatload of pepsi points.
Claim 10% finders fee and retire.
Hotbox the cockpit. And this would only be the 2nd time I hotboxed the cockpit of a fighterjet.
Story time! Details please!
Ha, I thought nobody would ask. It probably will be quite a disapointing story though, sorry.
Anyway, I was on holiday in Slovakia and basically, they just have old sovjet jets sitting around. We visited a very small "airport" (the runway was grass) used for skydiving. And they just had a MiG-21 sitting behind the building. No fence or anything. One of the Skydiving company staff said I can sit in it, if I want. So I did. He didn't come with me or anything. It was also out if sight from anyone on the airfield.
Apperently this isn't unusual at all and these planes are just sitting around in random fields as "decoration".
Here's a googlemaps link. I sat in that one!
So did you smoke weed in it, or not?
I did sit in the cockpit smoking a joint with the canopea almost closed. For a minute.
Ok, that's what hotbox means! Even better than farting, now it's an awesome story man!
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You've just given me a goal, except the only place I know with airplanes laying around is a museum. I'd feel bad hotboxing a plane in a museum.
I’d feel bad hotboxing a plane in a museum.
Yeah, don't do that. To be honest, I didn't even close the canopea fully, I worried about not getting out. I sat on the wing for most of the lenght of the joint.
But It sounded much cooler this way.
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Assuming I could figure out how to turn that thing on, I would definitely:
- Take off
- Go to maximum velocity
- Burn out all the fuel
- Acknowledge that I have no idea of where or how to land
- Look for the button to the ejection seat
- Glide down towards the equator
- Eyeball the necessary altitude
- Push the button
- Pull the parachute cord
- Flip both the birds
- Land on a beach
- Walk up to the bar
- Ask for a beer
- Run from the bill
This one doesn't have an ejection seat, remember?
take off
Knew you meant it as a joke but i thought it interesting to share that Fighters don't have a simple "start" button, here's a F-16 startup sequence for reference.
Most of that isn't involved in actually starting the plane.
They are things that would be good to have done to fly safely. Something analogous to turning on and tuning the radio in a car. You can absolutely start the engine and drive the car without doing that.
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Sit in the cockpit and make plane, missile, and machine gun noises since I don’t even know how to turn one on let alone fly it.
Pretty sure this one comes without a seat, and the aftermarket prices are ridiculius!
Just a reminder, the last guy to fly it took the seat with him.
Since it tricked the pilot into ejecting, I assume it's gone feral and is still buzzing around looking for a mate. If I didn't have a big net to snag it in, I'd have to build a wooden decoy or perhaps just leave a paddling pool full of jet fuel out in a clearing. I'd keep my distance at first and try to gain it's trust.
get as far away as possible, the smoldering wreckage will be full of toxic gasses and contaminants
Assuming no consequences, I'd love to open various panels and try and figure out what does what. It'd be really cool to see inside one of those.
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Treat that mid thirties lady to a nice relaxing spa day. Somewhere romantic, lots of targets and no hard deck.
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Use it to fly back home, realize I don’t know how to fly. I’d assume crash after that, but there’s a good chance I wouldn’t be able to figure out how to turn it on, in which case I’d take a bus.
Stay away from it, I am fine flying paraglider or ultra-lights , but the F-35 crashes way too much to my taste
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