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AITA for taking away my brother's plus one and inviting his girlfriend myself? (old.reddit.com)
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-07-02 04:02:03+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/EmptyEarth507. They posted in r/TwoHotTakes and r/AmItheAsshole.

Thanks to u/Creepy_Addict and u/jabberwockjess for the rec!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Latest update is 7 days old per the rules of the sub.

Mood Spoiler: happy-ish ending

Original Post: June 11, 2024

I kind of know I am the asshole, but I need to know how bad it was.

My brother is 29 and has been with Lia for about 2 years. We all like her; she is super nice. I am getting married next April and sent an invite to my brother's apartment. We decided to send invites to households and not individuals. For example, our aunt received an invite for her family and not for each individual.

Last Thursday, we met at my parents' place. It was just the core family because of some tax reasons, lol. While there, I asked my brother about Lia's dietary restrictions. I know that she is a vegetarian for health reasons and that she cannot have certain raw vegetables.

He said that she wasn't going to come and that he was taking his girl best friend, Amanda, instead. Now, their relationship is weird af. Amanda has always been stringing my brother along, in my opinion. He always denies having feelings for her, but let's be real here.

Amanda would date other guys, blow off my brother, then when things were on the decline with her partners, she would be attached to him again. Her last boyfriend broke up with her right around the time my brother, his then ex-girlfriend, Amanda, and her ex were supposed to travel to Spain. What did my idiot brother do? Go with Amanda alone because Amanda was uncomfortable with his ex-girlfriend. Obviously, he acted blindsided when his girlfriend broke up with him. I didn't even say anything anymore because it's all so weird.

So, when he said that, I asked if Lia already had other plans. But my brother said that Amanda had asked if she could come because it would be an opportunity to finally see the old gang (we were in the same friend group in high school). I told him that I would have invited Amanda if I wanted her there. Amanda is mean and cold. She always makes disparaging comments about other girls. At every event, around one hour in, she will make some sort of scene that either has her running away crying or sitting mad at a table telling everyone to "leave her alone" and then making a cryptic comment about something "hurting her."

I told my brother I was revoking his plus one and Amanda was NOT coming to our wedding. He accused me of being misogynistic and bigoted because I don't understand opposite-sex friendships. Which is BS. My husband has a female childhood friend who is his best woman. I love her too and she has been amazing. AND SHE RESPECTS FUCKING BOUNDARIES. She always includes me and made a huge effort when I started dating my fiancé to integrate me into the friend group.

Anyway, I said my decision was final. He could take it or leave it, but I would be inviting Lia myself because I like her. He screamed at me and told me to keep out of his business. I said to get rid of his weird fucking feelings for Amanda. He is mad at me. My dad said is none of our deal. My mom is furious with my brother. So Aita?

Edit: to answer some questions

The invite was addressed to the "smith's." Funnily enough, Lia had the same last name as us. Granted, we have one of the most common last names.

Yes, they live together.

The tax thing is nothing huge. My parents have a small buisness but are really bad at keeping track of all their receipts. So every month we go and help them. We digitalis the receipts and put them in a bookkeeping software for the accountant

Amanda is in the comments. Say hi!

The (Alleged) Amanda Comments:

Editor's Note: the account replying is a well-established account on AITA and commented on many posts before commenting on OOP's- it was not a new account nor a throwaway. Do NOT DM this person or harass them in any way- this goes against the rules of the sub. I am only including this because it is relevant to what OOP wrote and pointed out.

Excellent-Count4009: YTA. If he has any sense, he simply will not come to your wedding - that's the correct way to handle AHs like you.

And - if he has any sense, he will go no contact with you AH.

OOP: Yeah I wouldn't mind lol

Excellent-Count4009: Well, if you don't mind your brother and dad not coming to your wedding, that's fine.

But the way you handled it makes you the AH: NOT inviting your brother would have been fine. Giving him an invite, trying to dominate him and decide his relationships for him, and then uninviting his +1 because YOU want to decide who his partner is - that's overstepping.

OOP: My dad is not mad at me, dude lol. He thinks it's unnecessary drama. He doesn't like Amanda either so he is just keeping out

"Amanda" replied to several other commenters. I included a few here:

Commenter: NTA your brother is though. He needs a huge reality check this chick Amanda sounds super problematic and toxic and sinxce it is your wedding you are absolutely within your rights to decide who gets to be there and who doesn‘t. Hope your brother will realize how manipulative Amanda is and cut her from his life before she manages to destroy even more for him.

Amanda: All of that is NONE of OP's business.

SHE gave him a +, and revoked it. She is an AH for intruding into his relationship

Tihs willb reak up her family.

Let'S see if her brother and dad will be the only ones not coming.

Commenter: It’s confusing then why he and Amanda aren’t together. They seem to be into each other. Or does he really like Amanda but she uses him as a placeholder and doesn’t reciprocate his feelings? If that’s the case, he needs to put distance there so he can move forward or you’re right, he will be alone until Amanda gets married to someone else.

Amanda: What do you esxpect? HE has an aH sister.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: [...] You can invite Lia yourself but by the sounds of your brothers behaviour who knows if they will even still be together by then. Even if they are I wouldn’t count on her sticking around if he keeps prioritizing Amanda over her.

OOP: I like Lia like genuinely as a friend and would like her there. I should honestly just have invited her officially, too. I should have honestly have been able to forsee David would do this.

Commenter: How does Lia feel about Amanda?

OOP: Well she feels hyper insecure about Amanda.

Commenter: She should, because this behavior is a pretty obvious sign that should Amanda give him a chance, he will cheat on Lia in a second, and has probably done so with his exes.

OOP: Agree 100 percent. If Amanda wrote him right now that she wants him, he would drive pantless to her place

On OOP's brother:

I gave given up talking to him years ago. I always feel sorry for the amazing girls he brings home, tho. I still talk to his ex. She helped me with .y career. Lol. He is going to end up alone

Commenter: But just to be safe, tell Lia she is invited even if she isnt with your brother anymore at the time of the wedding because "lets be real here" she can do alot better and its just a matter of time before she realises that and dumps him. Let Lia have a +1 so she can enjoy herself :) That would make her feel truely welcome.

Your brother is a major asshole, and I dont blame you at all for not wanting his side piece at your wedding. I also wouldnt blame you if you didnt want him at your wedding.

OOP: She can so much better. On paper, my brother is pretty great. Amazing job, financial stability, he volunteers at animal shelters and cares about his appearance. And when he is not drooling for Amanda, he is generally really nice and loving. But bro.

Why aren't he and Amanda together???

It's so weird, man! Idk. She is jealous when anyone spends time with him. I once told him to ask her to have a one-sided open relationship where she gets to do what she wants, and he waits at home for her because he already does that lol

Commenter: Did he even told Lia she was invited? There might be a possibility that he’s lying and the girlfriend didn’t even know about the wedding

OOP: She did not in fact know

Commenter: How did she learn about it ? From you or from him (for damage control)?

OOP: I called Lia in front of him, asking her about it. She had no idea

OOP is voted NTA

Update Post: June 25, 2024 (2 weeks later)

I listen to Two Hot Takes every day on my commute, so it was a huge surprise when you responded to my post. Thanks for your insights. (Editor's Note- tiktok [here](https://www.tiktok.com/@thtreddit/video/7381072878005144...

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dtcrjq/aita_for_taking_away_my_brothers_plus_one_and/

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[-] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 1 points 2 days ago

Amanda likes her men like dogs. on a short leash willing to do whatever for nothing in return. Brother needs to understand why everyone hates her.

[-] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 1 points 2 days ago

Update Post: June 25, 2024 (2 weeks later)

I listen to Two Hot Takes every day on my commute, so it was a huge surprise when you responded to my post. Thanks for your insights. (Editor's Note- tiktok here, youtube video segment here)

Regarding the invitation, I now realize I shouldn't have phrased it as inviting a single person. I thought inviting households would be cute and less pressure for guests. Lesson learned, LOL.

Here's an update I'd like to share with you.

After the confrontation, I didn't hear from Lia or my brother for about two days. During that time, Amanda reached out to me upset about my Reddit post. She called me an asshole and insisted that "Lia is not the only special woman in my brother's life." She argued neither Lia nor I have the right to be selfish with my brother's time, asserting she existed before Lia or any of his girlfriends and would outlast them all. She ended with a presumptuous statement that she would surely see me at my wedding. I was fuming!

I chose not to engage with her other remarks but instead sent her a clear message: "Hello Amanda. You are not invited to my wedding. If you want to see 'the old gang,' please organize a coffee date when they're all in town. Should you appear at the wedding, you will be escorted out, peacefully by staff or with police involvement. Please refrain from contacting me or my husband."

Amanda responded with more emails, mostly vague threats and name-calling, and turned to Instagram to indirectly target me. She tagged me in posts, making my username small so people wouldn't notice me tagged but would see it in my notifications.

She also used an "ask me anything" sticker on her Instagram story, where I'm pretty sure she asked herself leading questions. Highlights included questions like, "What's the perfect outfit for a wedding?" with a photo of herself in a dress captioned, "This... but sadly I'll never get to use it :)" and "What is your pet peeve?" followed by a rant about nosy people who think they have the right to control others.

She flooded her story with "sad quotes" about no longer having a "girls' girl." She tagged me in every single one. Of course, I screenshotted them all, lol.

Some friends reached out when Amanda started spreading a different story, claiming I originally invited her but later disinvited her because Lia hates her and pressured my brother to do the same.

The cool part? Not one person believed her. Many of our old high school friends have cut ties with Amanda, and the few guys who still talk to her are more linked to my brother. They reached out to let me know Amanda was spreading rumors. The girls in the group blocked her after she vented to them, which led Amanda to start bombarding their phones. My brother panicked, thinking I'd started a campaign against her.

Speaking of my brother, he called and texted me multiple times, furious that I excluded Amanda and even blamed me for any harm she might come to. He went as far as calling our mother, saying Amanda was depressed and threatening never to forgive me if something happened to her. My mom advised him to call for a welfare check if he was genuinely concerned because he, as an individual with no training, wouldn't be equipped to handle such situations.

The biggest development is that my brother got kicked out of his shared apartment. Lia called me to say their relationship might not continue and that she might not feel comfortable coming to the wedding. I understood her decision and offered an open ear. We met for coffee, and she recounted their ugly fight. Without going into all the details, Lia didn't hold back. She made my brother read every single text out loud between him and Amanda and sent a copy to one of her male friends, who replied, "Lia, WTF? This is not okay." She used this as evidence that their interactions were, at best, inappropriate and, realistically, an emotional affair. When my brother begged her to stay, she asked him why, knowing he would always choose Amanda. He swore he wouldn't, but his immediate response to a hysterical call from Amanda about "me bullying her" proved otherwise. Lia left while he comforted Amanda in another room. Later, she texted him that he needed to move out while she was away. It's her apartment, and she didn't want to see him until certain conditions were met: cutting Amanda out completely and seeking therapy to address his unhealthy patterns. The fight spanned two intense days.

Lia found solace in your podcast and the comments here. She described it as surreal but helpful. She sends her greetings and wants people in similar situations to know a few things: don't fear being alone because being with someone who's not good for you will make you feel lonelier than being single, never enter a relationship with a "I can fix him" mentality as it usually ends in heartbreak, prioritize yourself, and while trying to work things out is noble, don't depend on it as the solution.

That's pretty much it. It sounds convoluted, like a soap opera, but my day-to-day life has surprisingly been calm. I think my brother really needs to mature and either commit to Amanda or realize he's being strung along.

And to Amanda: Please grow up and leave me alone

Relevant Comment:

Commenter: Well is ur dad still coming to your wedding? I’m so glad Lia dumped your bro.

OOP: Yes, of course. Also They are on a break (please insert Ross gallery meme here )

The mods on Two Hot Takes leave a note on the post:

[Mod note]: Can confirm that someone was reporting this post and a bunch of comments for nonsense reasons when it first got traction. So, a not-so-happy "Hi Amanda!" from our moderation team.

this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2024
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