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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-07-03 04:00:25+00:00.
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Parking_Marzipan1717. She posted in r/AITAH.
Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 and u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec!
Do NOT comment on Original Posts. The latest update is 7 days old per the rules of this sub.
Trigger Warning: infidelity; child abandonment; heart attack; death
Mood Spoiler: just kind of sad all around
Original Post: May 30, 2024
My (F53) soon to be ex husband Roger (47), whom I forgave for his affair, came home with a baby four months ago. His girlfriend (22) could not handle it anymore and brought the baby to him at work and left. To the best of his knowledge she is in Spain.
I allowed him to stay so long as I didn't have to do anything. Anything.
Well about a month ago Roger had a heart attack. It didn't kill him, mores the pity, but he is very weak and incapable of doing anything for himself. Since he isn't up and about he cannot care for his child. He also cannot drop of and pick up his son at daycare.
I have been helping but I'm done. My kids are full grown. I shouldn't be having grandkids any time soon. I do not have any desire to care for a baby.
I told Roger that I want a divorce, and I contacted the mother's parents. I know the father through friends. I said they had until Friday to come get their grandchild or I was calling Child Protective Services.
They just left with the baby. But they scolded me for being so cold towards a baby that had done me no harm. I view that child differently.
Roger is recovering and I will be moving out. The house is in his name but I have never contributed to it. I have the equivalent of twenty two years of rent and interest put away. And as per our prenup my savings are my own.
I work and I don't need anything out of this marriage except myself.
My kids tried telling me to stay and help their father. I said that they were welcome to come over and help him with cleaning himself and the baby. Both declined what I felt was a fair offer.
I do not feel that I am acting badly however Roger, our children, his child's family, and a few mutual friends think I am. Perhaps writing this out and seeing the responses will give me clarity.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: NTA. That child was not your responsibility. Yes, it was innocent but you're literally not responsible for raising it. You should have divorced Roger long ago.
OOP: And God forbid something happens I literally cannot make any decisions regarding medical care or anything .
Commenter: FAKE NTA. Seriously? The kid is 4 months old…..you could not have possibly forgiven anyone for this level of betrayal.If you’ve been married for decades…..it’s your house so get what you’re owed.
OOP: I think the baby is almost a year old. The house was a premarital asset on our prenup.
Commenter: I looked at lots of these comments, OP. You are NTA for returning the baby to blood relatives who can look after it. But don't be TA to yourself by abandoning your home without consulting an attorney and making sure you aren't entitled to some of the equity or some of his retirement savings. Don't walk away without getting all that is yours. You said that you have 22 years worth of savings. That's not a lifetime worth--you might need more to be okay, and you should make sure to get it on your way out.
OOP: I have a little over a million dollars in investments. I'll be fine. He paid for everything. I kept all my money.
This comment was downvoted but OOP's reply made me laugh:
Commenter: Women these days are cold af
OOP: I can forward your their info if you are volunteering to take over.
Update Post: June 26, 2024 (almost 1 month later)
I am no longer divorcing roger. There were complications from his heart attack and he has passed away. I am conflicted. He was the love of my love but also a cheating piece of trash.
To the best of my knowledge the mother will not return from Europe. The child is currently with her parents. They asked me what I wanted to do. I recommended adoption. Not that I adopt the child. That they put the child up for adoption.
They didn't like that suggestion.
Neither did my children.
They said i am being cold and cruel. I suggested that since the child was related to them and not to me that they step up. Neither has accepted that suggestion either.
I was the sole beneficiary of Roger's estate so I imagine lawyers will be involved in getting the child some sort of support. I will pay whatever is ordered by the court out of the estate. I will not pay one cent out of my money.
That is all I have to say on this matter.
Relevant Comments:
Ages of OOP's kids:
They are adults.
To a now deleted comment:
I found out about the affair over a year ago. Nothing about this is convenient.
Commenter (downvoted): So apparently the affair wasn't that much of a problem as you said you forgave him for that. But after he has a heart attack you decide to divorce him? It just doesn't add up.
OOP: I was not responsible for the child.
Commenter: True. That doesn't explain the divorce. I mean you can divide for whatever reason. You do you. To me, however, infidelity seems like a better reason to divorce than having a heart attack.
OOP: I was not to care for the child at all. It was all on Roger. Can you explain how a bedridden man was to care for an infant?
Commenter: i agree you have 0 responsibility to the child. however if your kids did adopt how would you feel about that as the baby would then be your grandchild?
OOP: Adopted grandchildren are great.
(to another): New grandchild. I would do my best to treat them as such.
Commenter (downvoted): Roger's will may have omitted the child due to the child not being around when it was written. The child should inherit a portion. The child should be eligible for Social Security survivor benefits. Baby needs a lawyer, ASAP.
OOP: Roger's will also omitted his two adult children.
Commenter (downvoted): You are evil, you wished him dead, now he is. I hope you at least fell a little remorse for what you said.
OOP: I don't. He broke me.
(to another commenter): We were getting divorced for a reason.
Commenter (downvoted): 70% of the posts here are fake. Yeah my husband just died and I'm dealing with this child situation on top of it, def gonna post on reddit!
OOP: The situation has been dealt with. I was asked by several people for an update. I have now fulfilled those requests.
OOP responds to soooo many people telling her she needs to help the child:
Why does anyone think I have the right to place the child with anyone besides family? I am not in any way related to this child.
and: The child is currently with their grandparents. Blood relatives. With standing in legal matters.
Editor's note- to avoid confusion, I created a timeline based on OOP's listing of events.
- OOP found out about the affair a year ago (lets say May 2023.) At the time she forgave the husband.
- In January-ish of this year (4 months from the OG post,) the baby was dropped off. Husband promised to take care of the baby.
- The husband had a heart attack sometimes in April (a month before the OG post)
- Sometime between May and June of 2024, the husband passed away