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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-07-05 04:02:02+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Serious-Procedure100
AITA for leaving my friends bachelorette party?
Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes
Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: alcoholism, possible infidelity, sabotaging ones sobriety
Original Post June 24, 2024
I have been sober for 1 year, after abusing drugs and alcohol for 6 years. Getting sober has truly changed my life. I Rarely talk about my sobriety to others since I don't want to be annoying and because it is no ones business. The only time I talk about it is when it is relevant.
My friends is getting married in September, and I'm a bridesmaid. This weekend she had her bachelorette party (it was a bachelorette party weekend). She had gotten an airbnb for us. I was also the only one with a drivers licence and car (relevant). She knew me while I was a drunk, she saw me recover and has (or I thought) never judged me, only supported me. I don't mind if people around me drink or do drugs, it is their life their choice. I didn't know anyone at her party, but I still had fun on the first day. While everyone was getting drunk on Friday, I was just drinking my coca cola. We were dancing, listening to music and playing a drinking game. It was while we were playing the game, that people tried to give me shots and asking why I wasn't drinking. I just told them that I didn't feel like drinking tonight, and blamed it on that I had a long traveling day.
The next day, during brunch people were drinking mimosas. I was just drinking orange juice and again I was asked why I am not drinking. I knew I would get asked this, and I had talked to my friend before this weekend. I decided this would be the perfect time to mention that I am sober and I don't drink. Some people asked me why, I didn't want to go into the details of it (since I didn't want to ruin the mood) so I said it is because of health reasons.
Later that evening, I was drinking some soda and went to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I took a sip of my drink and they had put vodka in my soda. I spit it back out, and asked who put vodka in my drink. I was upset about this, but I wasn't crying or causing a scene. I just thought maybe someone didn't know that this was my drink. One of my friends friend said that she did and it was an accident. I didn't get mad because accidents happen. However, there was a little voice in my head telling me it was intentional. I shortly went outside to smoke a cigarette and to call my bf. I had walked behind the house, and my friend and two others came outside to also smoke. I guess they didn't see me, since they talked about what had happened. My friend said she thought it was lame that I came, and that she misses the old drunk me. That she hoped this spike would make me relapse. I was listening in shock, I thought I knew this girl. For fuck sake I am one of her bridesmaids, I have known her for 8 years.
I walked to the front of the house, looked at them and went inside. They all looked shocked since they didn't know I was listening. I packed my things and drove off, I didn't say a single thing to them before I left but they saw me leave. I decided not to block her on social media so that she can have a chance to explain herself and say sorry. Instead I got a long message saying how selfish I was, making the whole weekend about me and that I am an asshole for abandoning them, since I was the one that drove everyone there.
So am I the asshole for leaving my friends bachelorette party?
EDIT:
Thank you all for the responses. I am obviously not going to be friends with someone like her or participate in her wedding. She has been talking shit about me to our friends, and I have been receiving a lot of shitty messages from them. She told people that I didn't like them drinking and was trying to ruin the night and that I just abandoned them. Keep in mind, they could very easily get from that place with public transport or taxi. Me driving them was me being nice to them.
I have debated about messaging her fiancé and tell him some stuff about her. He is also sober himself (not due to substance abuse but due to health), I don't think he would like what she did to me. Also they had agreed on not having any strippers, which she did have. And when we were out, she was flirting with other people. I think that is one of the reasons why I think she did it, since I said something about it. Maybe I shouldn't have interfered but in my eyes she seemed drunk, and I didn't want her to do something that she would regret.
Still wondering why she misses the old drunk me? I was a shit person when I was drunk. Also the only reason why I told people I don't drink was because people typically don't accept it when you say that you don't like alcohol etc.
The reason why I haven't blocked her yet is because in my experience, it gets under peoples skin more to not be blocked. She has messaged me more since I left, but I can't be asked to read her bullshit. Also I will be making a post on my social media if she doesn't stop spreading lies about me.
Getting sober saved my life. I am forever grateful and happy that I chose sobriety. I have also upped my therapy sessions just in case this makes me spiral.
Update June 28, 2024
I made a post 4 days ago about how I left my "friends" bachelorette party after they put alcohol in my drink even though I am sober. I thought I would update anyone who is curious on what happened, lets say it was a very eventful 24 hours.
I needed to take a few more days to digest and reflect on everything that happened, I also wanted to talk to my therapist first to see what she thought I should do. We decided on that I should message the fiancé, since if I was him I would want to know same as I would either way have told him about the cheating. I do not condone cheating, and turns out it wasn't the first time she did that.
Here is what I wrote:
"Hi Paul (fake name), I know this might be weird since I'm sure by now you know that I left last weekend but I wanted to talk to you about it. As you know I have been sober for over 1 year now, and while we were at the bachelorette party Olga (fake name) put vodka in my drink. I didn't realise it until I took a sip of it. I had asked them who did it and Fiona (fake name) said she did it on accident. However, when I went outside to smoke I overheard them saying it wasn't an accident and that they did it on purpose, my boyfriend heard the whole thing you can ask him if you don't believe me. I also wanted to let you know that there they did get strippers (and I attached photos of it) and that she was very friendly to some men we met at the club (again attaching photos of her touching the arm of a man at the club). I wanted you to know because I don't find behaviour like that okay and I do not support it. I also wanted you to know that I will not be attending your wedding. I wish you the best."
He saw the message and blocked me a few hours later.
I also decided on confronting her. I am the kind of person who prefers to do things face to face, me messaging her ex was something I did because I felt like it would be weird if I showed up to his place. However, I know where and when she works. I waited outside of her work (which I know is creepy but I know she would not want to do this conversation face to face). I asked her if we could talk and she said yes. This was a 1 hour long conversation so I will summarise it. I told her how much it hurt me that she spiked my drink on purpose and that I could go to the police with this. I said it was childish of her going to our mutuals spreading lies about me. I told her that she is a coward for not admitting to what she did. And lastly, I told her I did not have any interest being her friend anymore and I will not be attending her wedding. She was very quiet during the conversation, she listened to everything I had to say. She said she was sorry, she felt like ever since I got sober I was boring because all I talk about it sobriety (which I don't do). That me telling her friends I am sober took the attention away from her. That I shouldn't have done that ( I told her before we went that I would tell people that I am sober for health reasons if it were to come up).
I told her that she has every right to feel this way, but it doesn't justify what she did to me. I ended the conversation with that I wish her the best, and I hope she gets the help that she needs. And I left. After this I sent the message to her ex.
I found out that her fiancé did end the relationship and that this isn't the first time she has done something like this. Turns out that she has several times poured alcohol into her fiancé’s drinks (always saying it was an accident) and that she has cheated before. She did bombard me with messages saying how horrible I am, how selfish I am, that I would end my life blah blah blah. I blocked her and she is out of my lif...
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