Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

Anon is often crazy.
Anon is often depressed.
Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works

522

Anon gets the shits (lemmy.today)

submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by MacNCheezus to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

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[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 85 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Anon is definitely full of shit.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 31 points 3 months ago

I must evacuate my bowels, through my anus, into a porcelain bowl.

[–] JohnDClay@sh.itjust.works 26 points 3 months ago

Not any more!

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 18 points 3 months ago

And this is from an authority on anal expulsions!

[–] corroded@lemmy.world 42 points 3 months ago (3 children)

How exactly did the random stranger know he was an English speaker?

[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 79 points 3 months ago

If you have ever had a good bout of food poisoning that cleans you out I guarantee you’re bitching and swearing about it when in the throes of it. So if the story were real I’d bet there was plenty of choice English for people nearby to pick up on.

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 24 points 3 months ago

Probably the smell?

[–] Wanderer@lemm.ee 20 points 3 months ago

He didn't pray to Allah to save him, or make deals with him about changing your ways if you heal me from this misery.

There nothing like food poisoning to make you religious and reassess your entire life.

I hope I never get that sick ever again.

[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 27 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Enter the Sandman

[–] MacNCheezus 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Say your prayers, little one

[–] turtlepower@lemm.ee 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Don't forget, my son, to include everyone.

[–] spacecadet@lemm.ee 7 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Sleep with one eye open

[–] turtlepower@lemm.ee 9 points 3 months ago

Bro, you skipped a couple lines. The next part is, "I tuck you in, warm within, keep you free from sin, till the Sandman, he comes." Then you sleep with one eye open while gripping your pillow tight.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago

Sleep with brown eye open

[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

Well I have a new way to weird out strangers having a time in the public facilities.