This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/LongHaulinTruckwit on 2024-10-05 13:39:47+00:00.
In 2003 I returned home from my first year of college. I had decided to switch schools and degrees, and attend a local Music technical college instead.
I moved back into my parents home and drove into the city each day for classes. In order to save on parking, I purchased a permit to park in a churches lot. This lot was about 10 blocks from the school, so I had a decent walk each day.
About a week into classes, I was on my walk, smoking a cigarette, when out of nowhere a homeless man appears right next to me.
He looks as you might imagine. Late 50s, messy salt and pepper hair, flannel jacket, snow pants, work boots with no laces.
He leaned in and asked "Hey buddy, can I get a smoke?!"
Now, I was 19 at the time, and a bit cocky. I was gonna give him one but he had to work for it. I told him he could have one, but he would have to walk with me to class and keep me company while he smoked it.
He agreed and off we went. We exchanged names, and asked each other basic questions about our lives. The normal pleasantries.
About a block from school we tossed our butts and he leans in again and says "Hey Buddy, I gotta ask, got any spare change? " I replied "sorry, but I don't keep change on me."
(At the time I tossed all my spare change in some glass milk jugs I had in my room. )
So we parted ways that day.
I kid you not, 2 weeks later this man had memorized my class schedule. Every. Single. Day. This man would meet me at the corner. Ask for a smoke and walk me to class. Every day asking me for change. And me having none.
This continued for almost 15 months! (The school I went to didn't have summer breaks.)
So now it's just a few weeks away from graduation. It's the end of winter. I'm getting ready in the morning for class. I put on my leather trench coat, grab my book bag and head for the door. I look down at the floor and see 2 glass milk jugs overflowing with change.
I look down at the huge pockets in my coat, then back at the change jars.
I'm gonna do it!
I take each milk jar and turn them upside down into each pocket. You have no idea how much 2 gallons of change actually weighs. Then I head off for school.
Things start off like normal. He meets me at the corner. I give him a smoke. We set off.
I'm trying my best to step lightly, as to not make my pockets jingle, and I can't look him in the face because I don't wanna totally lose it. We finally get to the end of our walk.
We tossed our cigarettes. He turned to me and said, "Hey buddy, I gotta ask, you got any change? "
So I turn to him and say, "OK. I'm gonna make you a deal. I will give you ALL the change I have in my pockets if you promise to NEVER ask me for change again. DEAL?"
He nods his head in agreement and holds out his one hand, palm up.
"No you don't understand" I said "I have a lot of change. " So he holds out both hands. Cupping them together.
"No" I said, " You don't understand. I have A LOT of change.
He stands there with a questioning look on his face, so I grab the bottom of his sweatshirt, and pull it up, and make him hold it like a hammock.
I then proceed to start shoveling handfuls of change into its sweatshirt. Handful after handful and his eyes are getting wider in sheer disbelief.
Just when he thinks I'm about finished, I SWITCH TO THE OTHER POCKET! more and more change. It's sound is echoing between the buildings, and BOTH of us are laughing uncontrollably.
I finally finished. He thanked me and waddled off like a pregnant woman, and I went to class.
The next day was bright and sunny. I park my car at the church. I'm walking, big smile on my face. He meets me at the corner, also with a big smile on his face.
He leans in with a huge grin and says, "HEY BUDDY! Can I get a smoke?!"
*long pause *
"Yea Buddy, you can have a smoke."
TL;DR) Homeless man bums cigarettes off me for over a year. In an attempt to get him to buy his own, I played myself.