Asklemmy

My dad has this long running bit, that if I needed his help on something, he needed to go to the shop to get a "round tuit". I remember asking what store he had to go to, and how much it cost, and being annoyed at how he hadn't gotten a round tuit yet.

He must have thought I was really committed to the bit.

that you're supposed to show a middle finger as if you were showing it to yourself

I used to greet clothing store mannequins and thought that people who didn't were very rude.

I used to think a car direction indicator was a GPS guiding system, and not manually operated.

I thought babyback ribs were from ACTUAL Babies

That we would live in peace

That we had to pay our employer to get a job.

I thought 'tomorrow' was a day of the week. So when my mom would say we'd go somewhere 'tomorrow' I'd ask her every day if it was tomorrow yet, and she'd say no, and I'd keep waiting.

I hadn't had "the talk" and assembled my own understanding about marriage = "the ability to touch each other's private parts."

I remember thinking, at the age of probably 8 or 10ish, that a bride and a groom, after they were married, in their fancy full wedding outfits would stand on either side of the sink (specifically in my house's upstairs crappy bathroom with mildewy tile) and expose themselves to each other, and then the bride would reach across the sink and "tag" touch the groom's crotch and then pull her dress up, and... at that point I didn't really understand what she would "have" under her wedding dress, but I did assume the groom would reach over and basically "tag you're it" style touch her, at which point the act would conclude.

I didn't have a name for this act, but I was pretty sure this is what adults all did immediately after marriage, one time only. I didn't associate it with babies or anything, more a rite of passage.

I believed that for very small creatures (like ants) time was faster.