Asklemmy

Odourless, tasteless, colorless, uncarbonated soda pop.

Arnold palmers. Nothing beats em

In that case I'd have h2o too

Oolong tea

I've been drinking brewed cacao (Cacao beans roasted, ground, and brewed like coffee) almost every day lately. So that.

Cactus cooler.

It's an orange pineapple carbonated beverage that if you can find is such a happy experience.

Coca Cola. I love it, but I try not to drink it too much. A nice iced can of Coke every now and then.

Is aforementioned drink free for life too? Because there's this whiskey distillery just up the road from me and they make a black tea infused whiskey that I wouldn't mind.

Barley Tea. Sure it has water, but what drink doesn't? (Also I feel like my days would be heavily numbered if I don't drink any water for the rest of my life.)

Go big or go home, I say. Pappy Van Winkle for the rest of my days.

milk i guess but my breath would stink

See username :) So much variety even though it's all the same tea plant

Irn bru

Glass bottle coke

The most water-like thing I am allowed by your very contrived rules. Maybe water with two slices of cucumber.