Are the non-ace okay?
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Meanwhile I had the opposite problem. Lots of friends that happened to be girls. Then they find a partner, and the conversations, meetups and discussions fizzle away, especially if I stop initiating contact. I then learn years down the line "oh yeah I had such a huge crush on you" or "I'da fucked your brains out" or some other combination. And then general blaming for me not "making the move" like no shit, I treated you as a friend. If you wanted that, just say it openly please
So many opportunities are passed by on both sides because of this miscommunication.
Men hear women’s don’t want you to go in with the expectation of anything other than friendship, while also expecting men to know their subtle hints that they are interested so they can come off feeling more desirable.
Women on the other hand don’t trust most men because of what they see around us, their past interactions with men, and for the above stated. They don’t want to feel like just meat for the dogs.
If both sides would be more open instead of all of this beating around the bush, I feel like most people would go in with better expectations and maybe even better experiences. All because they were open and honest from the beginning.
Just my thoughts, as I’ve been in both positions before as a teen, and definitely regret not being more open with the people I was interacting with!
This comments section stinks of Old Spice.
I'm a cishet dude. I think sex is awesome. but I don't understand the need to fuck everything that moves.
I get it, women can be very beautiful, sexy, cute, pretty, cool, whatever... there's all kinds of nice. and I do appreciate that a lot. I do appreciate seeing a woman who's any of those things. even none of those things. but I don't get ... like why do you feel the need to fuck every single person? friends are so fulfilling. the endless thirst is weird.
edit: please don't come at me with evo psych shit. can't believe people actually do this still. shitting is a biological drive too, but I don't look at every surface as a toilet because I understand that it's appropriate to shit at a toilet but not on a driveway. I think it's possible to respect women as much as you can respect driveways to not see them as objects to your so-called biological drive.
also how come women don't try fuck everything with a dick? you think it's not biological for women? come on.
no the answer isn't evolution or biology. it's sociology. we need to educate and socialize our boys better.
Contrary to what most dudes here are preaching, I think this happens just because most dudes rarely have any deep personal connection with a woman and, once they do, they feel attracted to them.
the endless thirst is weird.
Except for a majority of guys, it is very, very real. Uncontrollable and overwhelming, at least until you hit your 40s, and for some guys, never, no matter what they do, and no matter how old they get.
Luckily stoicism, meditation, and psychological feedback loops have helped me a lot, but I’m currently in my sixth decade on this rock and I can still occasionally (once or twice a year) still feel this immense and un-ignorable pull to scope out a woman. My own ruminations have led me to suspect that “lust” exists as three internal forces, from an autonomic, almost instinctual need to do a double-take before you even grok her actual attractiveness, over actual hormonal/physical lust that has zero conscious control (or which extensively disrupts any attempt to control it), all the way up to infatuation that is and can be consciously directed, and can be almost immediately lost if conditions change or if proper mental discipline is employed.
And all three layers hitting you like a swirling vortex of chaos really throws you for a loop and utterly destroys your ability to take control of any part of it. I have never allowed myself to forget how horrible and uncontrollable my first few decades were.
Hell, if I could wave my hands and come up with a drug that could suppress the bottom two layers (at the very least) without having any other negative effect (low T, etc.), I would immediately release it free to all men. Because having your entire being so violently coerced into paying attention to a woman regardless of your actual intent really does suck donkey’s balls.
But hey, evolution as a whole sucks.
This a premium shitpost. I fucking love it
Hits too close to truth to qualify for a shitpost. And I am saying that as a man, observing...
Who says satire/shitpostery can't cut close to the bone? The best ones are the ones that make us evaluate ourselves under a critical lens.
Do what I do: Be fat and ugly. Not only will you not be in the girlfriend zone, men will go out of their way to make sure you know they "don't see you that way" regardless if you were interested or not.
Oof.
And that username; double oof.
Yey to us fat chicks! for real when I was super fit and beatiful having friends was hard, even at work! Now that I'm fat I'm much more relaxed, have a nice mixed (men and women) group of friends and don't worry about bosses wanting to fuck me
Edit: Also I want to add 2 things for the younger ones:
-
A bad relationship is worst than no relationship
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If you are not happy and confortable by yourself you'll never be happy with someone else
I don't think I'm fat and ugly but I did start putting out mad lesbian energy (I'm queer but not strictly into any one gender) and men now just think I won't be into them either way so they just talk to me like a human. To think of all the friendships I lost to shitty guys in my 20s when I could've just said I was gay the whole time....
if you lost the friendships because you aren't gay then they weren't going to be any good. that's not losing friendships that's you being neo dodging all the bullshit coming your way
This reads a bit like satire. Really good satire!
The "girlfriend-zone" is a word im stealing from this...
Oh, it's definitely satire, making fun of "nice guys" who complain that they've been "friendzoned".
The horror, friendship!
but I'm NICE! How couldn't she love me?
Congrats on meeting the bare minimum of being a decent human, fucko.
Also so often they aren't nice, they just think they are.
But for real. Wash frequently, groom yourself, get out of the house, and start making platonic friends. From there learn to flirt. Oh also, acknowledge the reality of how attractive you are and while it's totally cool to shoot above your range, accept that you're probably going to get someone similarly desirable to you. Oh and get your mental and emotional health under a certain level of control, emotional labor is part of a relationship but so often I see lonely people seeking codependency.
I was once a weirdo loser who couldn't get a partner, and anyone who can't do the above needs to take a good long look at why and resolve those issues. If you can't be happy single a relationship won't make you happier, they're more of happiness multipliers.
get out of the house,
But the sun is out there. I think I'll stay where the giant nuclear fusion reactor can't see me
Join us vampires by only going out at night
She's being too nice.
It's the Fuck Zone,and too many guys put all the women in it who aren't in the Mom Zone or the Bitch Zone (and there's some overlap there).
Girl needs a gayfriend.
Gay dudes get all the ladies.
Perhaps instead of teasing the queer kids in highschool, Chad's shoulda been taking notes.
I wish people would put me in the girlfriend zone ( I'm a man)
Or the freindzonr would be nice too.
I hate that this is satire but also pretty much true. Men are not generally socialized to recognize uncomplicated, unsexual fondness for a woman.
I'm not sure I'm even capable of not wanting to sleep with a woman that I get along well with. Like, I don't ACT on those feelings so as not to fuck up good friendship but they are there.
Thanks for sharing. I definitely find people far more attractive once I get to know them than as strangers.
It's okay to feel like that, you just need to be in control of your actions and in your case you are! So good job
Hot girl problems. It's a real thing and leads to a tremendous amount of loneliness for them. If you are very clear and the guys aren't all invested already, then it's a great way to start a legit friendship. Problem is that with a lot of cute girls, they have had so many bad experiences with guys putting them in the girlfriend zone that they just end up jaded.
It's our responsibility as individuals never to get jaded, and also to be honest with ourselves about what kind of energy are we putting out there. Is the OP crossing boundaries with these guys, suggesting they may become more by accepting their overly nice gestures, actions, texts and gifts? If not, then it's the guys fault.
She could always make some girl friends but we all know how difficult THAT is. Hot women need some accountabilityv though if they're ever going to get out of this rut
I have an opposite problem. When I (I'm a guy btw) was in school, I sometimes just want to have friends but whenever I talked to girls, I worry that girls would just think I have some other motive (which it seems to me like every boy in my class do just want romantic relationships). Like maybe I'm asexual/aromantic, but I never wanted those types of relationships, I prefer a long lasting friendship.
(I don't have much friends either way, regardless of gender; current amount of friends is: zero; because I just stopped talking to people after highschool, oh well 🤷♂️)
I (straight male) always found it easy to connect with girls, but I was also raised in a very feminist family (despite my mother being nominally conservative).
Dating is a lot of work and vulnerability and an attempt at 'clicking' on many more levels than friendship. It definitely wasn't that I wasn't interested in dating (I very much was), but 'Gorl fun AND pretty' just wasn't enough to automatically spark my interest in romance. 'Gorl fun' meant possible friend; 'Gorl pretty' was most girls, because girls pretty.
I got spontaneously voted the most handsome boy in the class when I was in 10th grade though. Always burnished that particular memory on the Altar of Ego.
God, that final bit. I was a resident assistant for my dorm in college for a year. Didn't date anyone that year. Had plenty of crushes, including plenty from the dorm. At the end of the year, my coworkers (female RAs) were like, "yeah we were all so surprised you didn't go out with anyone, like, half the girls here were in love with you." And I just stared into the middle distance, "and you didn't think to tell me???"
"We thought you knew!"
"I DID NOT"
How were you supposed to know? If half the girls acted the same then how could you know that anything was afoot?