this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2023
392 points (95.0% liked)

Not The Onion

12308 readers
706 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

I mean, sure, at this point why not?

all 47 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] ZeroCool@feddit.ch 119 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Many people are saying Viktor Autobahn, who invented highways, is a Turkish Delight. Bigly people. You wouldn’t believe it. They come to me and they say “Mr. President Sir, have you seen what he’s doing with the cars and the trucks? He’s got them driving on roads and it’s wonderful.” And I say of course! The cars need roads tremendous roads and that’s why when I win in 2024 I’m going to build so many highways and roads and streets. The democrats said “let’s not have streets, we need to drive horses” can you believe that, folks? They were going to take away the roads and the driveways and we weren’t gonna have any more hotdog carts because there’d be no streets! You want a hot dog you can forget about it. The democrats weren’t going to let you have any hotdogs.

[–] Nougat@kbin.social 24 points 1 year ago

Ain’t nobody’s business but the Turks’.

[–] Zippit@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My brain broke trying to read this, so well done!

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The key with Trump is at the beginning, middle and end of the speech should have absolutely no bearing on each other.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I used to enjoy going on jokey old man ramblerants like that. This fucker ruined it for us all.

[–] limelight79@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

Trump took Abe Simpson seriously.

[–] GratefullyGodless@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

We've reached a sad point in time, when one thinks "Surely, that's not something he really said." but, in the back of your mind you're still not 100% sure that he didn't actually say it.

[–] nonfuinoncuro@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

like this gem:

“Look, having nuclear — my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart — you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world — it’s true! — but when you’re a conservative Republican they try — oh, do they do a number — that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune — you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged — but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me — it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right — who would have thought?), but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners — now it used to be three, now it’s four — but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years — but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.”

[–] makyo@lemmy.world 66 points 1 year ago (5 children)

How come it's Biden and not Turnip who has the 'too old and senile' tag in the media?

[–] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 40 points 1 year ago

If you say a thing often enough people start to believe it. Because people are fucking morons.

[–] Jaysyn@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago

Trump is animated by amphetamines when he's in public.

[–] Draedron@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 year ago

Because even a 20 year younger Trump would not be any better or smarter. So its not an age thing with him, but an asshole and idiot thing

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 year ago

The claim is purported by media supporting him

[–] IvanOverdrive@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

For the same reason people think that 20 bucks is too expensive, but 19.99 is cheap enough. 77 ain't far off from 80 in reality. No matter how you play it, biases play a huge role in our perception.

[–] Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world 43 points 1 year ago (6 children)

The photo, Mr. Trump is doing the "Double dick jerk off" impression

[–] ElBarto@sh.itjust.works 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's not my best work, but here you go.

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 5 points 1 year ago

Stunning. It should hang in the Louvre.

[–] Squirrel@thelemmy.club 13 points 1 year ago

And, is it just me, or is he even more orange than usual?

[–] fleabomber@lemm.ee 13 points 1 year ago

People are saying I do the best bukkake. I met a guy who's a bukkake expert and do you know what he told me? He said, "Sir, you bukkake so perfectly. So perfectly." Can you believe that?

[–] WYLD_STALLYNS@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

He said he was the best father to two of his sons... 🤔

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I don't think he knows about the D2F ratio.

[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 1 year ago

He likes it in his eyes

[–] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'm not sure if he is declining or about the same? At least he got the names right this time. I would half expect to hear about "President Arby's of Nambia" or some shit.

[–] BottleOfAlkahest@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

He got the country wrong though. Victor Orban is the leader of Hungry. Erdogan is the leader of turkey...and if I recall correctly those two know each other too.

[–] Cornelius_Wangenheim@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sure, but is that any worse than calling the CEO of Apple Tim Apple?

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's along the level of this insult. At the level of statesmanship you expect from a president of a country, that's not a mistake you make. For someone calling his general election opponent senile, it seems like he's living in a glass house with a slingshot.

[–] cashews_best_nut@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Such a glorious rendition. I stood and cried. :')

[–] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Yeah, I know, I'm surprised that's all he mixed up.

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 1 year ago

"crime in cities. They STILL haven't caught THE hamburgler! SAD"

[–] rustyfish@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

To be honest, at least Orbán IS a leader. So he got it somewhat right. Which is good for a four year old.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

And it is in a similar geopolitical region. Still not good enough for a voter, much less a politician, but still I think that’s solidly in the realm of standard American stereotype.

Like being generous I can see how one might mix up Erdogan and Orbán, their last names are pronounced similar in our language and they’re both far right ultra socially conservative leaders who probably won’t leave office without force. That said, nobody would ever give that benefit of the doubt to Jill Stein much less Joe Biden. Hell, if my representative didn’t catch themselves on that mixup I’d be concerned.

[–] Rapidcreek@reddthat.com 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

He gets them confused because turkey makes him hungry

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I don’t think they serve Turkey at McDonald’s.

Beaten by a mere 10 hours. Curses!

[–] DarkThoughts@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I know he said a lot of dumb shit in his life, but this feels like he's mentally degrading even further.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Yeah before it felt like early stage and pre dementia mixed with something like untreated and unapologetic NPD. Now it’s like watching your racist grandpa’s brain turn to soup as he rants about black people running the world’s banks and how we need to build a wall to keep the irish out.

[–] Ranvier@sopuli.xyz 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Just too hard to keep track of all these different fascists and authoritarians guess.

[–] lemmylommy@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

Why, oh why did the lions of Antarctica elect this clown their king.

[–] Pringles@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago

Ok, this got a good laugh out of me. He's a funny fellow, this orange clown.

[–] WorldieBoi@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Viktor Orban loves Thanks Giving

[–] lipilee@feddit.nl 5 points 1 year ago

orban kinda looks like a turkey by now, so i guess that's where the confusion comes from.

[–] YurkshireLad@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago

Well of course he did and of course his rabid, uneducated followers believe every word he said.