446
"Sorry guys, I thought they were Palestinian!"
Didn't realize that's a valid excuse to do a murder these days
this post was submitted on 17 Feb 2025
446 points (97.9% liked)
Not the Onion
2343 readers
2 users here now
For true stories that are so ridiculous, that you could have sworn it was an !theonion worthy story.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
"I thought they were untermensch, honest mistake"
Apparently, one of the guys shot concluded his statement about being shot with "death to Arabs" or something to that effect, so they might just accept that excuse.
Gets shot by Zionist terrorist
"Why would Arabs do this?"
If the president is using it, who is to stop the civilians?
load more comments
(1 replies)
This is the key part that makes it The Onion material:
From, https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/feb/17/miami-shooting-israeli-men
...one of the injured men reportedly posted “death to the Arabs” in a message on social media after the shooting. “My father and I went through a murder attempt against antisemitic background,” he wrote.
Jewish man shoots at Israelis because he thought that they were Palestinians. Israeli victims claimed that they were victims of an "antisemitic" attack and post "death to the Arabs".
The deeper irony is that these men were the victims of an antisemitic attack. They were targeted because they were thought to be Palestinians who are also a Semitic people and yet they seem to share the same prejudice as their attacker.
Fucking clown world.
The fact that they went with neither “Florida man” or “Jewish Man” but instead “Florida Jew” is just hysterical for better or for worse
"Florida Jew" reminds me of "Rare Deepwater Jew" from somethingawful.com https://www.somethingawful.com/news/fur-trapper-promise/
load more comments
(1 replies)
I would say typical zionist, but we don't have evidence that the American government paid for his weapon and ammo
I wonder if he’ll be tried as a terrorist. I feel like any other violent ideological act like this would be.
I think hate crime would be the most appropriate charge.
I think they may have said that because the state of Florida sought terrorism charges when a lady told a healthcare member they'd be next after the Luigi thing.
Which also seems like it'd fall more under hate, but hard to say.
I think they may have said that because the state of Florida sought terrorism charges when a lady told a healthcare member they’d be next after the Luigi thing.
That wouldn't fall under the purview of hate-crime law I.M.O (disclaimer: I'm not a lawyer) because neither the intended nor the actual target was targeted on the basis of an identity category (ethnicity, gender, creed, race, religion, nationality). Not unless you include occupation as an identity. I don't.
Yeah that makes sense, but I'd also not call a death threat terrorism if aimed at one person denying your health coverage. If a death threat is terrorism, then every assault / murder would have to be I'd think
Yeah and it wasn't a super clear death threat. Definitely rude but I think terrorism is a clearly excessive charge. I don't think it's right to target individuals, especially lower level ones when it's the corporate "entity" as a whole, especially the higher-ups at fault.
Yeah, what they did was wrong. That said, it was a phone call, and "you people are next" is what I found when I looked it back up. Meaning it's not like the individual on the other end of the phone was likely even in the same city, county, state? As the lady who threatened them. Stupid move but I feel I could hear worse at the local gas station every Friday night and they aren't denying people health coverage, just wanting them to pay full price for a slurpee
load more comments
(1 replies)
Idk I feel like if this had been a Muslim guy the charge would be very different but I’m no lawyer so maybe you’re right, either way it’s a fucked up story.
Those are both generally enhancements/reclassifications to a charge not charges in and of themselves. In Florida it's "775.085 Evidencing prejudice while committing offense; reclassification.—".
Weird way to spell pardoned
The jokes write themselves.
First out-loud chuckle of the day. Keen wit. Well done.
He fired 17 times and it's still just an injury? Oof.
Also someone needs to figure out if there's something in Floridian drinking water.
Supposedly it not necessarily a Florida thing to be particularly crazy, just that there are fewer protections against reporting and publishing people's names in Florida.
It's like the US version of 'boy, there doesn't seem to be much rape in this country where it's illegal for women to accuse men of rape, but there is a lot of it in the country next to it where it isn't illegal for women to file police reports. Making it illegal to report rape must significantly decrease it!'
load more comments
(1 replies)
Nah, this was just a Zionist being a Zionist. They're crazy fucks. Luckily his Florida only made him a terrible shot.
For every 10,000 guns in America, there's 1 person with training.
Can't even tell if that's a joke
It is a joke, it far overestimates the number of trained individuals...
load more comments
(1 replies)
The oppressed became the oppressor and think it's all good because they are the oppressed. Genocidal fucks.
As a Jewish person living in Occupied Palestine im absolutely oppressed and so are many others like me. The so called "only free nation in the middle east" regurally censors journalists, beats up Parliament members who dare speak out, and has a culture where critiquing the IOF or the genocide results in social condemnation.
Wait, your neighbors are pissed at you because you kicked out their old neighbors and they could be next but youre oppressed?
You know its possible for both to be true yes? Authoritarian regimes aren't usually lots of fun, and not just for the most subjugated groups.
Im 18 and haven't entered the IOF, I havent done anything -_-
Also yes obviously they're pissed that my government is a genocidal ethnostate
load more comments
(8 replies)
adventures of Florida jew
Is that his mugshot? The fuck is he smiling for?
Edit: I didn't realize it was taken before he learned the outcome of his actions. What a fucking loser.
In his mind he just murdered two people he considers inferior and wants to genocide.
In his statement to the police, exactly this.
He had not yet learned the facts that:
-
They survived
-
They're (non-Palestinian) Israelis
Dumbass uses Hate Crime...
...
...
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Least deranged Jewish Trumper
Biden and Trump based their entire campaign around winning this singular person's vote.
load more comments
(6 replies)
It should be noted that the people he shot took to social media to post "Death to Arabs"
fr, mfer you got shot because you didnt pass the 
and you go post that 
load more comments
(1 replies)
view more: next ›