Things are going to be a lot different from now on!
You should change the name to something cooler, like maybe a single Unicode character
I think ⦖ could look good but I’m also partial to ⧰, what do you think?
this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2023
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a 🥴 would also be a good option
Oohhh I like that second one!
Elon? Will you make the fediverse as good as X?
No, I will make it EVEN BETTER:
From now on the week days shall be known as:
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Migrant blaming Monday
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Trump Tuesday
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Wanker Wednesday
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Trans shaming Thursday
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Fascist Friday
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Sex offender Saturday
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SS Sunday
Furthermore, my team will develop official clients so we can block all the other ones in the future (who needs those anyways).
We will block access from the web as well through anonymous accounts.
We managed to get some ad revenue partners on board so you can watch your favourite ads to the content you'll get delivered through our newest and most innovative algorithm that'll rank posts from our greatest supporters at the very top even tho you have already seen them dozens of times.
Oh, and btw: we are releasing subscription models offering you perks like:
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Random earrapes (who doesn't like these)
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Even worse UI
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Actually getting content
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Having less money
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Getting preferred by the algorithm
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Feeling like your worthless life has an actual meaning
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A customized handjob from our team <3
Oh, and free accounts have the downsides of being rate limited to 5 posts a day, 1 bit of text when commenting or posting and a resolution of 16x16 pixels for images.
Want to work for us? - No problem. Our employees have the luxury of having their own toilet cubicle where they can eat, work, shit, work, work even more, ~~sleep~~, work, and repeat...
We already replaced the content management team with Blind AL - saved us ten dollars!
Matt Damon is in, are urine?
You had me until I read Thursday and Friday. No way in hell the real elon would be able to stick to just one day of the week for either. Otherwise a very convincing post.
Yeah true, he would just alternate the week days to his desires (probably even over the course of a day)
Holy shit post within a post. Slow down. You could milk this into like weeks of posts.
Maybe it's because I have the Sauerkraut genes, we are efficient ;)
Sounds great! You seem to be a real business genius.
I learned from the best: Elon Musk (fucked Twitter), Bobby Kotick (fucked Blizzard) and John Riccitiello (fucked Unity)
honorable mention Steve Huffman (fucked Reddit)
Let that sink in
I have to think of Elon whenever I read this. I think I'm fucked.
Wait that's illegal
Where to flee now?
fediverse premium+ will now be $20 a month
Starting now in the US and Canada
No, you bought something the Enterprise D made when it became sentient
I was teached, money can't buy you happiness! It's all a lie!
Nooooo how could u
"If you no longer go for a deal that exists you are no longer a businessman..." - Elon Senna