this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2025
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To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.

Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”

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[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 234 points 3 days ago (56 children)

I think part of why she didn't seen men fighting some of the shitty stuff online is due to the echochamber effect of those communities. Any resistance is downvoted, dogpiled with hateful comments, and maybe even removed by a biased mod. A lot of the good men who would defend in those comments don't even browse those specific forums because of how toxic and shitty they can be.

[–] Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca 127 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The good men aren't there and don't even know what's going on. I've used Reddit and Lemmy but have blocked the NSFW/NSFL stuff. There is no opportunity to denounce or report because I remain deliberately blissfully ignorant.

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[–] sudneo@lemm.ee 94 points 3 days ago (5 children)

Also why would I ever recognize a space like that and not run away. "Calling out" is still participation, and why would I want to participate (incl. from the legal perspective). I have the moral obligation to do that because...I am man? As if being a man was being part of a club.

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[–] Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 105 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (10 children)

These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.

I suspect there is some amount of survivorship bias type thing going on here. The type of men to hang out in such places are the type that enjoy it, and as such would never call out such behavior. The men that don't enjoy such will tend not to come across such content in the first place.

So the first group just doesn't care, the second doesn’t see it in the first place.

There is also probably some degree of the second group of men acknowledging that trying to call out such behavior won't go very far. If you said "hey don't share this woman's pics" on 4chan, you're going to immediately get laughed at, ignored, and probably called a bunch of slurs. And then they'll keep on doing it because you told them not to. And that's in no small part because these places are puedo anonymous.

Men can't get away with such behavior as easily outside of the internet. Calling them out in real life is far more likely to go somewhere. However ther are caveats. Again comes the survivorship bias thing I mentioned. But worse, if done in real life and calling out that behavior backfires, it becomes a teaching moment. "Don't tell other men to behave decent or they'll ostracize and harass you".

It's a fucked up situation all around.

[–] SoloCritical@lemm.ee 82 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Let’s not forget that the people that call out said behavior get banned and their comments deleted.. you can’t authentically claim nobody calls them out because you don’t actually know if anyone is or not.. because ban.

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[–] HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Misogyny and misandry, two unhappy twins; one celebrated, the other shunned. Both found their way into this thread.

That's enough internet for today I think.

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