this post was submitted on 05 May 2025
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Doorbell rang; I didn't answer. Later noticed porch vid showed teen girl needing help. How do I stop kicking myself for not answering? (self.asklemmy)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by DonaldJMusk to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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UPDATE: I posted on Nextdoor for my local neighborhood. Girl was identified and someone reached out to her. She said her phone had died, she got turned around and just needed directions. But she made it home ok!! :)

True story, by the way. This happened to me earlier tonight.

Mid-size city, 500K people. Suburbia area. Well lit. Good part of town. Next to parks, schools, etc. Nice weather.

9:30 tonight (Sunday), I was in the house putting away some laundry. I heard the doorbell. I didn't think anything of it, because I have been getting lots of amazon deliveries.

30 seconds or so later, a knock on the door. Wow, delivery guy is def letting me know I guess.

So I finish folding my laundry, go to front porch. Probably 5 to 10 minutes since knock on door. No package. Weird.

I check my porch camera and it shows a teen girl, maybe 15 or so, out of breath ringing the doorbell. She's wearing pajama bottom pants, shoes, hoodie and a backpack. And she says to herself, "I need help. This is terrible."

She sets on my front step for a few seconds, gets up, then knocks on door. Looks around. Then leaves.

After I see vid, run to sidewalk... look up and down. Nothing. I run back in, put shoes on, go out and again, looking. Nothing.

I call 911 tell the police what happened, they send someone out, but they don't get here till about 30 minutes later. So basically police show up a full 45 minutes after the girl knocked on my door.

While waiting for police, I see neighbor, 2 houses down, pulling out of driveway. I run up to him, show him vid, tell him what happened, he says he'll check his cams, but he didn't get a knock or doorbell ring.

I'm kicking myself that I didn't at least check the porch cam right when doorbell rang. I legit can not stop thinking about that girl knocking on a strangers (my) door hoping I would answer.

She was out of breath, but wasn't banging on the door extra loud or anything. No crying. And I have neighbors all over and across the street. And just a block down is a 7-11.

So it probably wasn't super serious (I hope!), and maybe she just lost her phone or something (I hope!). But I can't sleep thinking about it.

I posted the vid to my local nextdoor community webpage, posted on facebook, etc. All in the hopes that someone will recognize her.

What would you guys do in this situation? Anything I could have done differently (other than answer the door)?

tl;dr: I ignored doorbell thinking it was just amazon package. Check porch cam later and realize it was teen girl saying she needed help and that something terrible happened. Police didn't arrive till 45 minutes later and no sign of girl.

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[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 1 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

What if there were two armed men off camera waiting for you to open the door?

[–] DonaldJMusk -1 points 20 hours ago

I have heard people saying stuff like that happens. But my camera shows the entire walk up to my house. So no real way they could get to my front door without being seen.

[–] FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website 17 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I get why the feelings sucks. You're in your head and somehow only the worst possible outcomes ruminate. You've called the cops, good on you.

You're not in charge of the world, there ought to be others who are charged with taking care of that girl. Their failure in preventing her from showing up on your porch is not your fault either and she's their responsibility, not yours. Keep repeating that in your head.

[–] DonaldJMusk 2 points 1 week ago

Thanks for that!

[–] DonaldJMusk 0 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Girl was identified thru my Nextdoor posting of the vid. She was just lost, dead phone, but made it home fine.

[–] FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Glad to hear it! I thought I heard a sigh of relief so massive it circled the world twice.

[–] DonaldJMusk 0 points 1 week ago

I thought I heard a sigh of relief so massive it circled the world twice.

That was just about how loud my sigh was. I had talked to neighbors, the police, the convience store down the street. Checking news. And it was all for nothing, she's fine. I am so relieved. Nextdoor saved the day tho. I usually hate that app because it's a bunch of Karen's bitching about everything. But one took the vid I posted, showed her friends, and mystery solved. :)

[–] Rogue1633@discuss.tchncs.de 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)

If she looked for help because of violent parents, it might be dangerous to have that video of her online

[–] DonaldJMusk 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Good point. On the other hand, if she's missing maybe someone knows her or recognizes her.

[–] DonaldJMusk 0 points 1 week ago

Girl was identified thru my Nextdoor posting of the vid. She was just lost, dead phone, but made it home fine.

[–] DozensOfDonner@mander.xyz 11 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I mean, this prolly sounds pessimistic but could be a scam? Using a innocent looking person to get people to open up while so rough customers hide somewhere?

[–] meldrik@lemmy.wtf 5 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Wouldn’t they have shown up on the cam?

[–] haui_lemmy@lemmy.giftedmc.com 4 points 1 week ago

Not if they're any good.

[–] DonaldJMusk 2 points 1 week ago

I have cam footage from both my driveway leading up to my porch and my porch. No one is with her as she comes up to porch or as she walks away from porch. She may still have been a scammer, but it wasn't that scam.

[–] DozensOfDonner@mander.xyz 1 points 1 week ago

Not if they knew about the cams and anticipated their movement.

[–] DonaldJMusk 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah, I have heard of that scam. And I think it's a real thing, but not in this case--at least for that scam. Because my vid shows her walking up and walking away alone.

But I think I've finally relaxed and am not as worried for her as I was. Lots of houses here. Lots of stores down the street less than a block away. And she didn't run to or from my door. So whatever it was, it def didn't appear life threatening as in she was in immediate danger.

I have two cars in my driveway as well. Truck and a jeep. So I don't think anyone was scouting my house thinking I'm little old lady. I've watched the video over and over. No torn clothes. Hair was up in a neat bun. Wasn't crying.

But the out of breath part and the saying she needed help because something terrible happened is what sorta is sticking with me. Even tho, since I wrote the post and cleared my thoughts a bit, who actually says that outloud when talking to themselves?! And the lack of urgency in the walking to and from my door is strange. But also, I know that people under stress react differently, so..

What does disappoint me tho, is how little the police seemed to worry about it. They just didn't see it as a big deal. I played the vid. They agreed it was strange. But no one asked for copy of my vid or screen shot the vid or anything. I checked missing persons site for my area. Checked police blotter. No missing people that match this. So I guess I'll just have to accept I did what I did. And if something does happen, then I have a time stamp, so I'm saving the vid.

[–] DozensOfDonner@mander.xyz 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'd think that 2 big cars might be an indication that there's more stuff to be found inside, not from an old lady, but a guy who seems helpful and would open up to help a girl in need? I guess there would be accomplices, who might be able to know about the cameras?

But I'm just thinking out loud. Idd is pretty weird, all the parts of the entire story. If it is real, given how there are stores nearby, I'd think she would find someone there fast? And she prolly would be safe?

The Police being so apathetic is super fucked though. I'm guessing you're from the states? Police really aren't that trustworthy there, right?

[–] DonaldJMusk -1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah, it's weird. And yes, I am in the states. And actually police are pretty trustworthy here, it's just the bad ones that make the news, and the bad news is what everyone reads.

But in this case, the police just seemed like it wasn't worth the effort. And that may be true. I posted on a neighborhood site and the vast majority said it was probably just a scam or someone wanting to ask for money.

Now that I've had time to reflect, I'm not as upset by it. Because there were plenty of other places on my street and in this part of town that she could have gone if really in distress. Still wish I would have answered the door sooner, but I've followed the local news since, and it doesn't seem like anything bad happened. So probably all worked out.

[–] DozensOfDonner@mander.xyz 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That's a very good point. Not going to lie, I'm still convinced there is something pretty wrong in some law enforcement avenues, but you're right that the cop killings make the news quickly (although once would be one to many).

Yeah weird situation, curious what the actual story is here.

[–] DonaldJMusk -1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Yeah weird situation, curious what the actual story is here.

Actually, all solved. I updated the original post. So basically, after I posted video of it on a neighborhood networking page, a friend of my gf's reached out. She asked if she could post on her social media as well. And that worked. Because someone identified the girl, and contacted the girl.

Turns out, she was going home from a friends house, got turned around and a little lost since it was dark. Her phone died. My house had living room lights on and I also have a cute "Little Free Library" sharing library in my front yard, so she felt safe knocking and asking for directions.

When I didn't answer she went back to the main street, figured out her where she was, and made it home fine.

I still feel bad that I missed her out there, but very relieved that all turned out well and ended up being not being a big deal. And happy it wasn't a scam, like so many were saying. :)

I’m still convinced there is something pretty wrong in some law enforcement avenues

Oh no doubt. But from news media, I think non-US people get the impression that this is just a lawless wild-west scenario, and if you run into a police officer, you life is in danger!

Not like that at all. Also the news you see is mostly from crowded inner cities. Most of the US is quiet, peaceful rural towns or quiet suburbia. My neighborhood is near a park and schools. I can walk out and hear kids playing outside. Flying kites on a windy day. Kids walk down my street to the ice cream shop. People walking their dogs.

The vast vast majority of US is just people being nice and going on with their lives. And that's not news. News is a shooting or trial etc.

And Lemmy especially is not a good indicator of the US at all. Most lemmy commenters are computer nerds in cities who rarely leave their houses and are anti-social, and make political strife and chaos a part of their identity.

Most of the US is boring. Which is a good thing. But boring isn't news.

[–] Termight@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

Contacting the local school is also essential; someone there might recognize her, or even uncover a missing student report.

It’s natural to be anxious, of course, but try not to let it overwhelm you. The fact that she didn’t appear to be in immediate peril (no screaming or no frantic banging) is a reassuring detail. She’s likely alright; perhaps a lost phone, a disagreement with her parents, a relatively minor upset. Still, the situation is undeniably unsettling.

[–] DonaldJMusk 1 points 1 week ago

I posted it vid on my local Nextdoor. And today someone recognized her, and contacted her. So she did need help, but not lifethreating. Phone died, she needed directions because she was turned around. But she recognized the next street over and made it home fine! :)

Nextdoor citizen solved it. Police did not! lol

[–] aubeynarf@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Your “land” that you said you live on is in suburbia?

[–] DonaldJMusk 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

My back area leads to forest and BLM land and most of my neighbors in this side of street. But my front street still faces suburbia. I also have 22 acres with a small mobile home that I'd like to make fully solar, 10 miles out of city, but that's not my main place yet. Will be after I sell here and finish making that my homestead though.

This happened here in town though. Not sure why you put land in quotes.

EDIT: Girl was identified thru my Nextdoor posting of the vid. She was just lost, dead phone, but made it home fine.