WomensStuff

I realized that nobody will protect me but myself

I'm an introvert and was a very shy child. I was constantly forced to interact with people in very uncomfortable situations. While I'm still an introvert, I'm now self-confident and comfortable engaging with people in most social situations.

Watching my mom honestly. I saw how much of herself she lost raising me and dealing with my father. I watched her give up so much for family that could care less, and I watch her do it today. It's made me careful about who I form connections with and had made me want to be self sufficient above all else.

I was lucky enough to grow up in an environment that did neither explicitly nor implicitly teach that there are things women are supposed to be good at or bad at. There are a lot of women in my extended family who pursued careers in STEM and even some in male dominated fields like car mechanics. Others have "traditional" women's jobs like hairdresser or teacher. It was never discussed, it was normal for me.

I think the first time I heard that women are supposedly bad at maths, was sometime in elementary school, when it was already my favourite subject.

It made me quite resilient to these kinds of internalised stereotypes.

Nothing about my upbringing made me strong. On the contrary, I was raised as a girl, expected to someday become a woman - with everything that entails.

All the little things that go unnoticed in daily life, the subtext in everything society tells women: That it's important to have a man. To be sexy. To never outshine a man intellectually. To settle for second place. To have a career - but still run the household. To be twice as good and earn less. To give it all up for the kids.

Yes, we all know this. We’ve read about it, talked about it. But when you grow up being treated a certain way - not because someone is cruel, but simply because this is how the world sees you - it’s not just information. It’s reality. When every comment, every expectation, every glance carries the unspoken message: You are less. Not quite enough. Not like a man. It shapes you, long before you have the words to push back. And unless you’ve lived inside that - especially during the years when your sense of self is still forming - it’s almost impossible to understand just how deep it goes. It doesn’t feel like bias. It feels like truth. Inescapable.

I made myself strong. I learned to refuse this truth, and I’m still learning.

I'm probably gonna have to go with the reason my mom gave me the nickname "little lawyer" as a kid. My dad was awful. Did a lot of things I don't care to talk about. He was a very angry person, and as a result I learned some very strong conflict resolution skills. On top of that, as an autistic, I have a very strong obsession with making sure everything's fair. I noticed he wasn't treating me or my mom fairly (understatement of the year) and managed to negotiate better conditions by pointing out when he wasn't following his own rules, or was inconsistently enforcing the rules.

Granted, an abusive person is gonna be abusive regardless of the rules, but my dad specifically used the rules he set as a tool to control, so breaking them in half in ways he didn't like meant he had less control. He would especially use the bible as his biggest tool, interpreting it in whatever way most benefited him, and I would find holes in his interpretation and propose different interpretations.

I do want to note, my dad has received a lot of help since my childhood and made strides to being a better person, especially after seeing my mom, me, and my older sibling leave him. I've talked to him pretty recently and he does genuinely seem to have improved a lot, but I'm staying wary.

Nowadays people come to me for all kinds of things of the nature of resolving disputes, and even I often have people come to me to help resolve relationship troubles (from "me and my partner had a disagreement" to "I think I'm being emotionally abused and don't know how to handle it.") Although I have a bad habit of doing that even when I'm not asked, which people often get pissed at me for quite often. I'm working on that.

I thought Edmonton was my home. All my conscious life I was in Edmonton. (I'd actually moved there from Germany at the age of 18 months but of course have no memory of this.)

Then in 1975 I had all that torn away. The tender roots I'd been forming, ripped out of me. I spent the next decade or so of my life bouncing around both inside and outside of Canada.

I have no hometown now. Nowhere that I can return to. My family is scattered across three continents and I hardly ever see any of them.

That's the bad side.

The good side is that I'm very independent. Kidnap me and drop me off blind-folded anywhere in the world and I'll make a place for myself.

I had a horrible childhood, so I learned how to constantly assess other people's emotions. It's a massive strength, it helps me help others but also protects me. It gives me strength cos I know I'm really good at it.

It made me really resilient, I survive everything. No matter what happens I come out ok. I know that, and it gives me strength

It also made me funny which can be useful for defusing situations, helping distract people and helping groups bond.

nothing, I’m weak asf