Microblog Memes

I do a band count before I start peeing into the toilet….

“A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four!” peeeeeeeeeeeee

I then usually start singing a tv show theme song like Happy Days as I keep the flow going. Disturbed yet?

I spend time on google maps just browsing, learning where different places are in the world.

One time someone put a burred out map showing their location and I knew exactly where they were.

I promise never to use this power for evil.

I once walked around for two days with a piece of someone else's bone stuck in my thumb.

I can see true magenta. And it ain't pink.

In my school there was a kid who consistently made plans to SA other students and regularly bragged about it. The school administration not only knew but actively went out of their way to defend him.

almost blew myself up for good after a pistol flare exploded half a meter from my face.
went to the ER with superficial burns on my left hand and hearing damage that still rears its ugly head out to this day.
each time i think about that moment i realise that if i had been in any other position when that flare blew up i probably wouldn't be here today

I was lucky to have survived having gone my first 5 years of life with a heart valve that was back bleeding.

I also cannot tell when I'm having a ear infection unless liquid comes oozing out. I have had some many in my life that they just don't hurt at all.

The town's undertaker embalms everyone who does not embalm themselves. Who embalms the undertaker?

No matter what I do for self-care, my toenails are very sharp. I have accidentally made deep cuts on my own feet as well as others many times.

I'm ready to die, honestly. Not that I want to do it, it's just that I feel it's time since the pandemic.

I ate my twin in the womb.

when encountering new people i am open and friendly, but mask up as they start saying things that let me know they are not safe people. at some point they become unsettled and go away.