Terry Pratchett vibes in the best way.
this post was submitted on 02 Aug 2025
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It's not witchcraft, just headology
It's funny, I have never been comforted by that. I don't think I've truly faced and accepted a single loss in my life, I just avoid the pain as much as I can and try not to ever think about it (it's all I think about).
My fiancee forgot almost everything about her brother except for the pain of his passing doing that. She regrets it more than anything.
The memories hurt now, but they're still worthy of being cherished.
I've found it helpful for lancing the feelings of loss and pain from otherwise positive memories. I want those memories, and I don't want them poisoned by the negative feelings. By going through them I can decouple them from the loss and express that. It also lets me vent it in a controlled way.
My mind loves to keep me locked into the negativity, if I tried this I suspect I wouldn't be able to not just fall into the dark.
The texture, the roughness snd frictions of those passed and our relationships to them, are kind of helpful for holding on to them as robust things, making them meaningfully less gone.
Everyone is different, and that's ok. It might be worth considering however. I know for me, the negativity will linger until I express it. Having another person around also acts as an emotional regulator. Their emotional reaction to your stories acts to restabilise your own.
Negativity and negative thoughts often grow in the shadows. By pushing straight into them, you can often resolve and disperse them. They exist to make you confront something. Once you've done that, their existence is no longer required, and it's easier to let them go.
A few drinks, or some ice-cream traditionally helps this process.
As I said, everyone is different, so what works for others, might now work for you. It's worth considering however, if it can help free up the good memories.
I mean, I stew in the negative thoughts 24/7 so I'm not sure how to confront them any more than that...
That's the danger. Stewing isn't confronting them. It's the difference between climbing into the water, in a leaking ship to bail it out, and climbing into to wallow in it.
This is actually why therapy is so helpful to many. The setting makes you confront things properly. You also have a guide. They are a sounding board for you. They also act to keep you on an even keel, and pull you back, if you get too deep. They can walk into the trenches with you, without the baggage asking a friend for that help entails.
The idea is to crystallise, into words, what is attacking you. By crystallising it, it is 90% resolved. Once you understand what it's trying to tell you, and accept (even if you don't agree) it loses its power over you, and fades, leaving the clean memories behind.
The quote from dune is quite apt, even though it's aimed at fear. It applies to negative memories as well.
Death is far more complicated than you think, because life is a less clear boundary than you think.
Stories and complete rememberance really do keep people around in some ways.
If im telling you a story about, say, dolores huerta, its the same as if she was still alive for a moment-you never knew her, she was never a physical presence in your life, and probably only effected you through the idea of her. Which was never completely her own creation, always passed and shaped by proxies.
And building upon her work makes her a part of the thing. Not her, but her effects on the world, the ripples she left in the pond. They become static, yes, but under enough institutional weight they would be held in place anyway.
The ways they impact your life, degrees out, remain and are extrapolated on. In huerta's example, you probably notice some of them more days than not if you work in the united states, especially agricultural work.
There's no more touch, this is true. The same could be said of people who move far away.
Death is distance, some things are off the table, but the light reflected off them bounces off the cave walls for a while.
Tap for spoiler
Dolores huerta isn't dead. This is largely how we interact with the living, too.