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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/AnF-18Bro on 2023-12-11 18:00:59.
I am NOT OP. Original posts by LieProfessional5357 in r/ProblemGambling
trigger warnings: Gambling addiction, financial infidelity
mood spoilers: Pretty dang sad my dudes
Lost $100k in 4 weeks - November 17, 2021
Need advice. I’m 36 and not in debt other than a mortgage. I have a 8 month old daughter and I’m scared to death.
I’ve been gambling somewhat randomly since College; I’m well over 300k now in losses most of which was my money and now 100k just in the last 4 weeks and every time I went back it was to recover from day before but the numbers kept adding up.
My wife doesn’t know a thing; the money is mine -$100k gifted by my dad who is completely against even wasting a dollar and who put his trust in me to use it wisely for family / success / paying down mortgage.
I’m a terrible son, I feel shame and regret to even look him in the eye knowing what I’ve done in a matter of weeks took many years for him to make.
I still feel I need to go back to get it back;my wife doesn’t know yet (keyword) it’ll be a very ugly convo when she finds out - maybe even walk out on me who knows! that kind of money isn’t easy to hide right. I feel depressed, broken, failure, just want this 100k back it’s too much to lose.
$10k loss turned to $15 and then +$7,500 and just downhill from there - lost all $22,500 and kept going back losing $10-15k per day at times.
What should I do? Talk to wife? She will lose it!!! And If my dad finds out I’m afraid he won’t be able to take it and I’ll be the reason for what happens to him - I’m such a bad son.
Rock bottom -painful truth and unsure what the future holds - December 24, 2021
Hey guys, 36m and I’ve posted quite a bit so in response to my first post I say this- listen to every word people say here. Something took over me, I can’t explain it because I don’t k ow myself wtf happened. Losing money is evil, it will make you do things out of control. The fight to recover losses kept turning into a losing battle over and over again so here I am - ROCK BOTTOM.
In just 2 months I’ve lost everything in my bank account - $170k and also took out 10k from credit card and another $10k from personal line of credit so I’m officially in a gambling debt of $20k. Now that’s a total of $190k and it’s a harsh reality.
What does it feel like? Hmmm butterflies in your stomach, the earth just slipped from under ur feet and u feel light but there’s weight pushing u down, disbelief because the gambling mind cannot accept what happened but then reality kicks in cuz the bank is proof.
Shame, disgust, suicidal thoughts, frown but pretending to smile, wife doesn’t know yet of my situation so I’m lieing to your partner (always a bad thing), 9month old daughter whom I now feel like I’ve ruined a comfortable life for alongside my wife.
I first posted at $100k loss everyone said stop stay clean, tell the truth, doesn’t get better. I continued to go back over and over again because I could not accept
Bottom line: accept it!!!!!!!! Now!!!!!! Or ur gonna be where I am. Now over $500k in losses out of which $190k is very recent.
This is the end reality - it feels a lot worst than when u win a single bet.
Struggling to forget and complete wreck - January 5, 2022
Update from previous posts. Life feels very depressing, love playing with my daughter and everytime I look at her the thought crosses my mind - why did I blow my money at the casino where I should have used for her future : college, car, real estate, necessities, and the list goes on.
Have not told the wife yet, nor has she poked into the bank account that would show nothing but withdrawals in the thousands for the last 2.5 months.
Losing strength, stress is killing me because I picked up debt to gamble and lost everything.
Casinos are temporarily shutdown effective today so good that I can’t go to relapse.
I need to tell the wife, don’t have the courage because I can’t explain how I didn’t learn a “lesson” but ended up losing $200,000 dollars!!! I don’t know if she will understand and I’m also afraid of the shame this brings once everyone in the family finds out.
Killed my self esteem, I’m a wreck and stressed to no end. To those reading this, stay strong let’s get rid of this horrible demon.
Day1 starts - $275k lost - February 13, 2022
Game Over. I kept going back to recover big losses and now I’m sitting here after literally 4 months exact:
$200,000 missing $75,000 debt between credit card/line of credit
Barely any money left except to survive. I have a family, Who doesn’t know of this; many of u know my story on here I haven’t told SO and she’s on a trip with young one; I thought I could take the opportunity to go back to casino to recover but that didn’t happen, instead I found myself pulling money from creditors to gamble but just lose it all.
I know my performance at work has been affected, I am a completely different person physically in the mirror the stress has taken that smile and brightness.
Fuck gambling - I am sick and I’m going to get better. this is day 1 and here’s the plan:
- Use HELOC to pay off the expensive debt 2) refinance the home for $100k when mortgage is up for renewal in August - pay off the HELOC 3) tell SO and hope she can support my recovery instead of walking away - the news I understand will be a lot to stomach 4) get healthy and back in shape 5) cut down on spending /eating out 6) find a side hustle/part time job 7) attend GA meetings if I can
I wish I could reverse the last 4 months - I can’t so now I’ll spend the next decade trying to recover. My life is a wreck and I cannot live like this any longer.
Self excluded indefinitely day 0 - February 27, 2022
Relapsed and couldn’t stop. Put my life on the line, thought about suicide and only thing holding me down to earth is my daughter, wife and family whom I let down. They don’t have a clue as to what I have done.
- gambled away my own money and some inheritance 2) picked up $70k debt 3) dipped into wife’s account and took another $50k
I am now walking out of this miserable place (casino) that has taken everything from me mentally and financially in the last 6 months. $325,000 lost and same amount in prior years. I am $600k plus in losses and there is only one way to stop. I have in my hand a win today. Will power! Backed up by a self exclusion form banning INDEFINITELY.
Now the truth must be told to my wife and I need to protect my family from me. I don’t know if I will have a family should my wife not be supportive but atleast I’ve done what I never thought I would do.
Stop gambling guys - no body wins this industry will take you to your grave a lot faster than GOD.
Told the wife! - April 12, 2022
It’s done, she knows came out over phone because I was at work - balled out like crazy said sorry she’s pissed and not responding to txt now giving her some space. If I go home either she’s there or gone who knows - work sucks right now wanna get out asap but can’t yet.
Will be a hectic night maybe limited convo if there is one. I finally got this off my chest and although nervous I feel good because it was slowly killing me inside with depression and suicidal thoughts.
ODAAT living with consequences of our actions I suppose
Update on disclosure - April 14, 2022
Hey all, wanted to give an update on my full disclosure for many of you who have seen my posts.
Ultimate rock bottom is not money lost, it’s trust. For those of you that are single, you still lose trust. My wife who I don’t blame has opened up to her family and to mine. I feel humiliated, regretful,wish this had never happened but I also think it’s for the betterment and recovery.
Time will heal but the healing has to start, for those who have yet to share with family about your problems - do so, it’s hard at first - stress level rises 10000x in the moment but in the end it is what it is: consequences of actions.
I choose to be a better person, finally rid of this problem and all others that cause pain to loved ones. The years of respect I earned - LOST. I feel terrible 😞 but I deserved this. Going to move on now and put the past behind me - news will spread like wildfire and humiliation will continue, in the end it is what it is as there’s no rewinding time but change the future.
Good luck - I’m proud to own my mistakes and for me that’s a huge win. Weight of the world off my chest.
Say no to gambling - become a winner once and for all.
135 days gamble free! - July 12, 2022
Hey everyone haven’t posted here for very long time.
135 days ODAT. Here’s how I did it:
- lost 300k+ in 6 months
- went into serious regretfulness, depression an...
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