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Alabama Middle Schooler Jailed After Taking Basketball Back Out From Under Her Shirt (www.theonion.com)

submitted 1 year ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social

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[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 43 points 1 year ago (2 children)

“If you didn’t want to keep the basketball, you shouldn’t have shoved it up your shirt. You knew the consequences of this going in, and your failure to comply with Alabama law means you could face life in prison for ripping out that helpless ball. Who knows what it could’ve gone on to accomplish if you hadn’t committed this atrocity?”

Damn. I hate how on point this comparison is.

[–] tpyo@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The final line was a nice gut punch

At press time, authorities stated the middle schooler would not receive any leniency despite evidence the basketball had been placed up her shirt by her father.

[–] watersnipje@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 year ago

[–] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 year ago

I was never more horrified than when I read that sentence. An solid punch .

[–] Jackcooper@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

At press time, authorities stated the middle schooler would not receive any leniency despite evidence the basketball had been placed up her shirt by her father.

[–] thechadwick@lemmy.world 34 points 1 year ago

Finally! Life begins at inflation, and the cops need to be punishing anyone who doesn't respect the sanctity of bblife.

[–] Dadifer@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Got me.

[–] tsonfeir@lemm.ee 12 points 1 year ago

It’s so much like reality now. All they have to do is imagine what the GOP would actually do next