I had a therapist dismiss me by saying “it sounds like you need friends”.

No shit asshole, I literally told you I don’t have anyone to share this shit with, but also, you can’t just make a new friend and drop a lifetime of trauma on them, that’s why I want to -pay for a friend- in the form of therapy. Even if I maybe could open up to them eventually, wtf am I supposed to do until I find this diamond of a human who takes all my trauma upon themselves at first meeting?

Like really.

That's the neat part

Yeah and a lot of them peace out after you try talking to them about it. "BuT yOu CaN AlWaYs OpEn Up To Me!" No, no you cannot just open up because they don't want to deal with it so you just get ghosted. There are nights I have extreme panic attacks because I can't open up for fear losing the few remaing friends I haven't scared away. So instead I dump here online.