I think you're probably best shutting "your" subs and moving anyway - if you want to dictate how a server runs, you're probably better off hosting your own instance. I'm not sure we need people in the fediverse who thinks a moderator owns a community - it's just the other extreme from Reddit's attitude that they own a community.
I happen to agree with defederating, but I don't like threats and the idea of blackmail to a community.