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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Spiritual-Emu-2180 on 2023-09-06 01:24:47.
Honestly, it felt like a major red flag to me. I like to talk on the phone before meeting and we were having a good conversation. We got on the topic of dating apps having filters for preferences, and I said something along the lines of, “I don’t think that app has it”. He aggressively said, “whoa how many dating apps are you on?!?”
I kind of sat there for a second and was confused. I answered and said I’m on three of them because I’m actively looking for a relationship. He got really weird about it. He went on to tell me that he doesn’t want to date a woman that is “distracted” and that goes on regular first dates. We kind of went back and forth about it because to me, the point is to date people to find someone. I explained that I’m picky about who I go out with, but I do go on dates at least once every 2 weeks or so. Sometimes I go longer without if I don’t find someone I’m willing to meet. The phone calls help me filter that. If I’m on date 2-3 with someone, and see potential, I pause the apps and give them my attention. But I haven’t had very many second dates, and have really only gone further in the dating process with one guy this year. That lasted about 2 months and mutually ended. I’m very selective but have also not been the right fit for some guys too. Just how it goes.
He told me about how he went out with a girl and she told him she had a date earlier that week, and how put off he was by it. Like even before their first date he wasn’t ok with her having multiple lined up???
I’m so confused. Is this a regular thing for guys to feel? I know the dating pool is much smaller for them and that it’s more difficult to get a date, but to be turned off by a woman going on regular first dates… isn’t that to be expected of someone on a dating app? Am I missing something here?
I don’t know, this threw me off so much. Prior to that conversation, we had planned to meet in a few days but I think I’m just going to cancel it because it seemed almost like a jealous/territorial vibe, and we literally just matched today. Any tips on how to cancel without making him mad? I’ve never encountered anything like that before… there was so much judgment for… dating lol
Edit: wanted to add for context, I am 8 months post divorce. I was married for 7 years. So I’m newish in the dating scene. I haven’t been doing multiple first dates for years and years. But on the same coin, I have quite a few first dates because I’m being highly selective after my last relationship. Also, there are guys who aren’t interested in me after the first date, not all me not taking the next step. This is in response to someone saying I’m a serial dater lol 😂