Jokes

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Lemmy users' attempts at being funny

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submitted 8 months ago by prl@lemmy.world to c/jokes@lemmy.world

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"I don't always oppress my citizens, but when I do, I make sure they know who's boss."

“I believe in free speech. As long as that speech is praising me.”

"The people of Tropico may be poor, but at least they're happy. Or at least they pretend to be."

"I may be a dictator, but at least I'm not a boring dictator."

“Democracy is a great system, as long as everyone votes the way I want them to.”

"I don't always listen to my advisors, but when I do, I prefer the ones who tell me what I want to hear."

"I believe in a government of the people, by the people, for the people. As long as those people are loyal to me."

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[–] snrkl@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

"Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote.

The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote."

Terry Pratchett - Mort

[–] GovCCC@hilariouschaos.com 3 points 8 months ago

You're goddam right. Because I'm Chris Motherfuckin Christopher Christie!