I'd end myself in a heartbeat if I found myself doing anything customer facing again.
Adult Book Store
What kind here because it's really going to change the vibe my dude
1k job applications since June I'm ready for the inevitable end
"I love all of you"
That's fair the survivor's guilt is probably real. I think I've been really stuck in my own head about my feelings and situation I've been struggling with that understanding.
I think I need to think about this. Thank you for your perspective.
I like to think I'm somewhat aware emotionally but have a lot of unanswered messages that are hard to look at and just make me doubt my feelings. I'm lucky to have a few good friends, I know that it's more than a lot of people have so I'm thankful to have them and my family: it still just stings since it was for so long and you think you know who you're talking to.
You boot up your computer, you spend thousands over the course of 10 years to keep it up to date and worked hard in your career to be able to afford the hardware to play games on beautiful settings. It hums and the sound of the fans is a satisfying one that quickly fades when you open steam.
Your friends are all online but nobody ever seems to actually be, statuses from always on computers and cell phones giving way to fake signals and hope. Realizing it's just going to be you it's time to look through the diner menu that is steam. You scan your games and realize there's nothing that really speaks to you so you open a new one you've been trying to make time for. 10 minutes into the game and interacting with the game you think to yourself how this wasn't what you wanted and you save and again look through the menu.
You play ComfortGame, one you're intimately familiar with to get a feeling of satisfaction doing well on something familiar. At first it feels warm and fuzzy like a deep nostalgia but that too fades and you realize it's the same game you've always played: the disappointment hits you like frozen pizza.
You pause the game and look at the things you wanted to play and you realize that what you were looking for in the first place was a sense of belonging and favor in a world not your own you so desperately wish to wash from your mind. Then the true realization: it will not come. You've spent so much of your time trying to make it happen that you lost all the parts of you along the way that made it fun in the first place.
I guess what I'm trying to say here in a roundabout way is I just really hate sauerkraut.
At least that was just smoke screen trickery and not literal digital necromancy
The meat hurts but I'm full of calcium 🫂
Software Test Engineer for 4 years and with the company for 10. 3rd year in my house and yeah I feel that fear. I'm so tired man.
Honestly though hallucinogens really need to be more mainstream. Acid completely changed my outlook on life and give me a perspective of life and myself I would never have gotten through therapy or any other depression suppressants.
It's also cheap as balls if you find a good plug. 10 bucks for an all day ticket is wild you just have to be with someone you trust with your life who won't fuck with you.