FriendOfDeSoto

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I think there may be a paradox hiding in your question. You cannot believe in free will. You have it or you don't - I would postulate you need a neutral third-party observer to tell you. For us humans, a Martian might do. Believing is an act of faith. Faith tends to bend will to its dogmas. I would go so far as to say belief is the natural enemy of a free will.

We are distracted animals. All things being equal, the Martian observer will after years of careful study come to the conclusion that humans have free will. But it's constantly battered by short attention spans, a tendency to go with the herd, presupposituons in our heads that we don't often or never question, etc. We are a smartphone full of bloatware running on too little RAM. It takes skill to operate. Some are more skillful than others.

You could of course counter that by saying that's what you believe. It's paradoxes all the way down.

In their defense, they were probably lying before the advent of so-called AI as well.

If we take the forum title here, the "fuck" is directed at the people in charge of so-called "AI" companies. The technology has value. It's just being forcefed down our throats in ways that remind us of block chain and whatever happened to block chain?!

Most media outlets prefer you come to their website or distribution service. That's where they get most value out of possible ads. It's where they collect their own first-person data on their users. As such I don't find it surprising they bury this license somewhere. I'm surprised they have this policy at all. I don't think it reflects their lack of pride in their work.

TIL I'm not a true Lemmy user.

The sound you're hearing is me screaming in intense jealousy. Both of your trip and the outfit! LLAP

That presupposes though that a shapeshifter would need to see their own reflection to judge the look. If you have developed over millennia the ability to change your appearance at a molecular level, or physically speaking thereabouts, you probably have developed the ability to judge the look without having to look at it. You would be a rock who knew how to become Michelangelo's David.

I'd be amazed to hear that chameleons practice at a puddle before they try to blend in with the jungle. But I was sick a lot when they taught biology in school.

You have to consider a few things here. You're not the only one with social anxiety at that event. Your reaction is not to go in the first place (my MO as well) or to sit quietly hoping it shall pass with haste. Others talk too much. School reunions are such a rich vein for neurosis because you're guaranteed to be judged by your peers. Peers who knew you very well when you weren't a more well put together person yet. Few people behave like themselves there. So if the woman says she cheated a million times lol, her neurons may be on the fritz as well because she's more thinking about how she dunked Sharon's head in the toilet in freshman year or whatever. And that memory is haunting. And she's sitting just over there! WHY HASN'T SHE SAID ANYTHING? ... So you need to have a salt shaker handy for anything you hear.

Also, some people like attention and will say anything to get it. People like to construct a public persona around their worst character traits, the ones they're unable to change. It's like they're putting a cool leather jacket on, aviator shades too. To distract themselves from their inner monolog, which very well might be telling them what a piece of shit they are.

And cheating is common. In my social group I know of a handful of cases. Drunk and horny, sober and crushing - the motivations are on a scale. In some relationships these secrets never get revealed, in others they've made the bond stronger, others have broken up. I would say very few people brag about it but hey, we contain multitudes. Some people end up in an unhealthy game of hurt oneup(wo)manship. Relationships are hard fucking work.

It is also a different picture when you have children with your partner. The willingness to forgive infractions increases for the good of the children.

And while centuries of indoctrination of monogamy and loyalty to your spouse can make this hard to accept: some people make open relationships work. I think it's more often than not the last stepping stone to disaster but if you can make it work, vaya con dios. I have a hard time with it but I'm trying not to judge.

None of this needs to change how you feel about cheating though.

I'm sorry about your mom's illness.

What I'm reading here in this thread is that you haven't found the right therapist yet. And us jokers on the internet cannot fill that void for you.

We all have to live with bad memories. Regardless of quality if we were to enter a pissing contest to see whose suffering is greatest. You're not living with yours, they keep you as a pet. I would go so far as saying being an obsessive goodie has not worked for you either. So look for a different therapist. At the very least another channel for you pent up regret. You can of course still be nice to the people around you. But you gotta give yourself a break from trying to outshine your average saint.

Without wading into the therapeutic too much, is there a way to move your PC, maybe to the bedroom. Or to set your partner up with wireless headphones.

I would say it isn't so important to put a label on either of you as it is to find a workable solution. So frame your approach in these terms, make a schedule for headphone time, don't engage in the at home therapy. Other than that, look for somebody who knows both of you better than me or anybody else here. The advice is probably going to be better.

How long have you been together? How long since you moved in together?

Scale is the factor here. You could say that small places can benefit from a sort of benevolent authoritarianism. I'm thinking Singapore, Liechtenstein, Monaco. None of them are bigger than a postage stamp and the population will go along with it. The bigger the country, the more injustices authoritarianism accumulates, the harder it is to keep people in line, the more suppressive it becomes.

Ideally, democracy trumps everything. It is the only system that has the built-in power to cancel itself. It needs all the people to be aware and to participate accordingly. It's not perfect. It's not always fair either. But I'd rather live in a system that can decide to end itself than in a system that would try to end me if I wanted to be critical about it.