Kindajustlikewhat

Saying this as an ethnically Chinese person who is not being racist... I had a eufy robovac and when I discovered it was Chinese-owned and had a video camera installed on it... I immediately got rid of that thing. I don't trust any technology company owned by China to be able to see into my home.

Thank you! I am tough. The last 3 years have been harder than I could've ever fathomed, but I'm still trucking on. There's a lot more to me than depression, even though it swallows everything sometimes.

I literally fantasize about having enough space in my home for a chest freezer.

This week is the first week I've felt halfway close to being a human being in a really long time. My rTMS treatment for depression is finally starting to kick in. This is my 3rd round now and each time I see significant improvements, but they only last 4ish months and I relapse horrifically after.

My most recent relapse lasted 3ish months while I was scrambling to get treatment (and an unsuccessful Ketamine trial). I finally found a hospital willing to treat me, and also give me maintenance treatments so hopefully I don't relapse again.

It's just been hell for a while. Last weekend I finally felt the gears in my brain "click". I am capable of experiencing positive emotions again. I still feel emotionally dead a lot of the time, but at least I don't want to die anymore (for now).

It feels good to not be in excruciating pain. It feels good to have less disordered thinking. I look back and it feels like I was a different person, I don't even understand or recognize that person.

Anyways, I'm just... Trying to take a breather. Trying to fully experience the moment. I don't know how things will go in the long term, but I know the next couple of months will continue to be livable. Trying to be grateful for that, and not think too much about what comes next.

Agreed, in my opinion asking for safe spaces is not entitlement. It's people who feel most comfortable (safe) with the status quo, who think others are entitled for also wanting to feel safe.

I'd tell me in high school to get treatment for depression instead of white knuckling my way through life and ending up with treatment resistant depression at 28 because I went without for so long.

I'm so glad that the mods aren't getting steamrolled into submission. I was having a bad mental health day today and some of these comments really bothered me. Immediately my reddit-trained mind was like, oh, you dumbass snowflake. Touch grass.

But then I was like, fuck, the whole reason I'm on Beehaw is because it's supposed to be different here. Thanks for continuously affirming my belief in it 👍

I just want to pipe in and and say thank you for caring about diversity. Lots of discourse here about how that's hostile to white people. In my opinion purposefully misinterpreting "unfortunate" to mean "white people not welcome" is a perfect representation of why WHY diversity matters.

Because as a POC it's clear to me that there are valid reasons why a white-dominated community can be... Uncomfortable. Like the very comments here that push back and pretend that race isn't a issue and that POC are racist ones for caring about it. Not bothering at all to understand where it's coming from and why it matters.

Edit: I didn't write this at first but I can't bite my tongue anymore. White people who get hositle over this have suffered from main character syndrome for way too long. You feel unwelcome because some online community simply wants more diversity? Why is it that in your mind one more POC means one less white person? Speaks more about your world view than anything else.

I've felt unwelcome my entire life because people resent my intrusion into their white bubbles. The whole point of Beehaw is that it's inclusive. I'm a snowflake who wants her safe space.

I adore cats and I could not agree with you more. Better the wild cats die than hundreds/thousands of potentially endangered birds.

I stopped drinking 3.5ish years ago. I didn't have a choice, drinking always made me super sick and vomit. In uni I thought it was normal to "puke and rally" everytime you drank. As I got older I wouldn't even be able to get very drunk anymore, because I'd vomit before I could even get there.

The final nail in the coffin was I had a heavy night of drinking and was vomiting for a MONTH after. So I finally stopped. 6 months later I had a single shot and vomited for a week.

Since then every now and then I'll try having 4 (literal) sips of wine, and I'll have gastric distress every time.

The first year or so was very difficult because I missed social drinking and didn't really know how to be social otherwise.

Now I'm just used to it. I don't even miss it anymore. I'll just chill with friends sober, or high. My friends don't give me shit for it, and when randos do I'm just super rude and blunt and tell them "it makes me shit myself" and maintain aggressive eye contact until they go away awkwardly.

First week into rTMS treatment for depression. Been struggling a lot recently but know that I'll start feeling better in 2-3 weeks, so there's a light at the end of the tunnel (I've done this treatment 2x now, and know it really helps me... But only lasts 4-5 months).

Have a driving test tomorrow that would normally be a piece of cake, but I'm so depressed it's difficult to drive. This is the last possible test before I lose my license... I kept on putting it off (because, depression). Hoping I pass!

Hang in there ❤️. The cloud will dissipate. Change is the only constant.