Lumelore

As of a few days ago, I am now 1 year on HRT! I typically don't like posting pictures of myself, but I also wanted to make a transition timeline and share my progress, so here it is lol.

Estrogen is amazing. I finally feel like my body is mine and something that I need and want to take care of. Sometimes, I randomly think about my gender and being a woman and it makes me so happy, but overall I don't really think about my gender as frequently as I used to years ago.

I also started progesterone last month and luckily I am one of the people that respond well to it. My overall mood has significantly improved since I started it, and it also helps me sleep a lot better. I am now waking up early in the morning feeling energized which is something I have not experienced in a very long time lol.

I've also been working on my voice as well. I did make a post here about 6 months ago where I asked for feedback on my voice (which was really breathy and did not sound good). I think I have improved quite a bit since then. I'd really appreciate your feedback on it if you would like to critique it.

My voice training progress (youtube link)

This is easiest done by sorting by Top of 1 hour, so there are only a few posts to scroll past.

When you get all the way to the bottom where there are no more posts to load, try scrolling down.

While you do that, any NSFW image that currently has a blur over it will have the blur squished vertically towards the center, allowing you to see the top and bottom of the image unblurred.

I am using kubuntu and recently my .desktop files no longer launch from my desktop. If I go to ~/desktop in dolphin I can double click the same files and they launch just fine from there.

When I do try to launch from desktop it just shows a blank file icon very briefly.

Only new thing I've done since they stopped working is install virt-manager and QEMU to set up a Windows vm.

I also tried creating a new user and the problem still persisted, which means it is not anything in my home directory.

I've tried googling but haven't found anyone with the same problem as me.

I'm currently studying CS and I'll get my bachelor's degree next year. I've been searching for remote SWE internships for months now and have not had any luck. I even made a project to put on my resume and it's still just rejection email after rejection email. Maybe I need more projects? What tips do you have for getting an Internship?

I really don't want to go back to my previous job cause working with old people in rural America as a minority is literally hell. I think I might just go into omega debt instead lol.

I'm working on a website that compiles a bunch of trans resources into one place.

I made an "Am I trans?" page which has a link to the article on the gender dysphoria bible of the same name.

I also remember some other websites, but I can't find them. I think they were called something along the lines of Am I a girl? and there were other variants of it for transmascs and nonbinary people. I think I remember seeing the link on the transfem community, but I'd have to scroll through months of comments to find it. I thought I would check here first in case anyone has the link saved so I don't have to sift through all those comments.

Edit: I just found it! It's called "Turn me into a girl" and not "Am I a girl?". Here's a link to it: https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/

Was looking through an old hard drive today and I found some old pictures of me from before I transitioned. I only have a few of them because I didn't like taking pictures of myself back then (hmm, I wonder why? /s). I thought about deleting them because I don't like how I looked back then, but in a weird way they also made me happy. I think it is because they serve as a reminder as to how far I have come in the four years since I realized that I am trans. Comparing them with current pictures of myself, it is very obvious that I am much happier now.

I also found some old picrews that I made of myself shorty after I realized that I am trans. These made me really happy for multiple reasons. One is that they brought back a lot of memories. The other is helped me figure something out. I've been trying to figure out exactly when I had the realization and the best I had beforehand was sometime in late 2019, but those pictures are dated October 28th which makes them the earliest evidence of me being trans that I have. I made like thirty of them but here are two of them that I like.

Past me would be so happy to know that I actually look like this now:

This is an image that I think I used to come out to a few people. It's hard to see, but I decided to add some estradiol to my mouth:

Anyways, I just felt like sharing. I'm curious if anyone else also used picrew at first to explore their gender. Also if you have any transition related stories you feel like sharing, I'd love to read those too.

I'm not an egg anymore, but I found this meme I made several years ago when looking through an old hard drive and wanted to put it on Lemmy.

Image description: Top text says "Me: 100% totally cis male." Bottom text says "Also me: A girl with girl stuff and girl hair and girl clothes." The bottom part is actually an image of a Minecraft skin that is posted on Planet Minecraft.

So for the past few months, usually near the beginning of the month, I will have a few days where I am super depressed and emotional. Today is one of those days. It started off with me waking up crying at 2 am for no reason and I was literally sobbing for 2 hours before I was able to fall back asleep. Then I waking up, I felt super depressed. I have not felt this much depression since I started taking an anti-depresant 5 years ago. I hardly ate anything today and I pretty much just layed around. I tried working out for an hour, and even that couldn't make me happy. I am assuming that this is going to happen again next month, and idk what to do cause it is super debilitating. Asides from these few days, I am very happy otherwise. I have been on hrt for 5 months now, I'm hoping maybe prog will help with it once I'm able to get it. I don't know how to manage it until then since my usual coping mechanism isn't working and I also don't know if prog will even solve it in the first place.

CW

Ever since I came out to my mom several years ago, she's been supportive on and off, which I don't really understand why she is just sometimes supportive.

When I first came out to her, she told me she was proud of me, and then minutes later she told me that I would be ugly and never find love. She's never purposely misgendered or deadnamed me though. Although for a while after I came out she was mourning me and acting like I had died and it was really weird and creepy to me at least, but about 2 years after that she told me that she finally sees me as her daughter.

When I had asked her if I could get puberty blockers or estrogen she told me no, which I had asked her that many times. So I decided to save up and finally this year at 20 I got HRT, but then she suddenly decided that she wanted to pay for it and that made me a bit upset because if she was going to pay for it then I could have gotten earlier, but I still appreciate that she is paying for it.

I had asked her if I could get voice training lessons a few years ago she was very adamant about me not doing them. Recently I have decided to do voice training on my own and the other night she complemented my voice and then tonight she told me that I actually sound like an alien and that my masc voice is perfect. We were good for a while and I thought she was done with being unsupportive occasionally but I guess not. I don't really know what I'm feeling rn, I guess disappointment and maybe sadness idk.

This what my voice sounds like rn if you were curious: https://on.soundcloud.com/hsR5W

This link isn't working in some of my lemmy clients for some reason. If it's not working for you you might have to paste it into Firefox.

Went to get a prescription today (not hrt, a different drug) and this guy tried to cut the line and the pharmacist said "sir, she is in line next" and it made me sooo happy. (And then I was sad that I had to use my legal name to get my script, but overall happy for getting gendered correctly)